yay: finally over! made it thru with a cracked reed.

nah: a few mistakes made. and lil audience.



maybe i shld be in LLC mode each time we've performance. cuz i realised this helps the band to achieve better results. (in comparisons to past few performace)



why people ask me to look for a boyfriend for them when i asked them for one? though im considered young, but im looking for a boyfriend! not a husband. XD sorry been going thru some stuffs personally. and emotionally. so chosing to be emo about it for some time. think its dumb or whatever. i've feelings too. choosing to ignore it will make it even more difficult to move on.


and ya, just in case (you) didnt know. it was just because of 1 line that you said, i determined your thoughts and thus decided how i shld act. even thou i wonder now if we could be like last time again..

jus got an sms about a fren's birthday celeb.. then ask whether to share present anot.. say wan get her some branded stuff plus treat her.. jus wondering why is this so unfair.. maybe its wrong of me to judge..

or isit jus cuz i didnt throw party for everyone? i didnt even get an sms from my so-i-thought-was closest friend back then.. isnt it still now? i jus dun understand.. ARGH.. i m so broke.. i still haven pay for the reeds.. return some $$ owed and renew my subscription.. tts it man..

gohonzon!!! help~~~ i dun wanna grumble anymore.. sigh..

yay.. my internet is finally back.. after several weeks.. almost wanted to terminate this service for another company's one. to cut the green for the red. but i didnt anyway..


beginning to love sundays.. went to bugis to collect my 10-day supply of free sample and purchased a router from SLS.. XDXDXD


maybe i shld also take a break from prac.. :P my instrument seems to be falling out.. *gasp* doushiyo, doushiyo?!?!?!
i certainly need to get it repaired before the concert.. since i've been dragging for so long.. and also get new reeds. :S im so broke. . . again.


RAWR.. my AM came over the other.. few days before, i was asking myself where shld i head towards? abit lost.. because on one hand, i dun wanna stay in this same place for too long, on 'two' hand, it is so comfortable for me to stay.. too comfortable alrdy.. i wan to pursue further education.. but there is almost zero confidence in both my results and my capabilities(seeing that i need to submit a portfolio which i've lost it twice) i'm doin so-not-my-intended-field-related-kind-of-work now.. and i've also been lazy and busy la.. need to upgrade and purchase some virus-buster software on my computer asap as well.. there are jus too many pop-ups..


minor problems i have.. but chapter side there's more.. as soon as after the study meeting where i've decided to fight on no matter what, the sanshoshima attack me.. i can imagine the conversaion below:
ahtu says to sanshoshima :"eh, am i really so easy to attack?"
sanshoshima:"of cuz la! u're jus such an easy-to-manipulate person! hiak hiak hiak"
ahtu:"hmpf! i'll prove you wrong! i'll not be defeated by you!"

and so, though i was feelin abit tired and worn out, i wasnt defeated! *claps*

the times ahead will be hard.. really hard besides the huge economic crisis tts coming.. but no matter what, i must win! step-by-step i will fight.. one-by-one i'll encourage.. word-by-word i'll chant.. YAY!


^^V

yawns..

tired weekends.. though i slept throught most of it.

internet is down at office. weirdly, i still can use msn.. lucky, luckily.. if not i'll be super bored. :S
it was a weird weekend. (my heart swayed) anw, fri went for HGC's CFG.. they've a great turnout of 800! then sat was teck ghee's CFG where weiyi shared her testi. *claps* and also where i found out only 3 pple turned out for prac. =/

sun, jus sleep and sleep.. i really got too lazy. argh.. how man~ attended wenzhen's wedding @ a restaurant near harbourfront centre. hmmm.. it was ok, jus tt i didnt get the best seats.. haha.. not the $100 one, only $10. so i guess i know where i stood la.. :S and also my table was a mixture of some other friends tt i didnt know.. but i was a lil more introvert. geez.. its my first wedding dinner tt i went to w/o my parents wor.. think so far has only been to my sis's one. who's next? hiak hiak hiak..

my internet is back. *claps* here i end my blog post and off i go~~found a new song by jay.. suki desu!!

稻香
词：周杰伦 曲：周杰伦
对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢继续往前走
为什么人要这么的脆弱 堕落
请你打开电视看看 多少人为生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我们是不是该知足 珍惜一切 就算没有拥有

*[还记得你说家是唯一的城堡
随着稻香河流继续奔跑 微微笑
小时候的梦我知道 不要哭让萤火虫带着你逃跑
乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧 回到最初的美好 ]

不要这么容易就想放弃 就像我说的
追不到的梦想 换个梦不就得了
为自己的人生鲜艳上色 先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色
笑一个吧 功成名就不是目的
让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义
童年的纸飞机 现在终于飞回我手里
所谓的那快乐 赤脚在田里追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了 谁在偷笑呢
我靠着稻草人吹着风唱着歌睡着了 哦 哦
午后吉它在虫鸣中更清脆 哦 哦
阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎 珍惜一切
就算没有拥有
Repeat *


some photos to share:
banana from a fellow colleagues' garden. EHHHH~

500 handmade souvenirs and 500 box od handmade cookies by Teck Ghee!!

My hair~

weili and weiyi

menu of the wedding dinner

gifts by bride and groom: single rose and chocolate.

*yawns*


its wednesday!!


1/3 of the month.. 10% of my pay left to survive for another 2/3 month.. so how much mus i spend everyday so that i can get $9 left in my bank?

solve the above question and show your workings.



LOL!!



my weekend was super tiring.. and something's quite wrong with me recently.. hair's super messy, dark eye circles, breakouts everywhere, occasional headaches.. sound like a monster! RAWR~~


need to start afresh.. i will do my best! to be more determined..argh.. D-E-T-E-R-M-I-N-E-D.


so far, so good neh.. bunneh.. ahaha.. its not something tt will come to me naturally but something we have to struggle to do in order to breakthru current circumstances and win. has been with the youths for the past two prac without my ymd counterparts and i feel like way back when i was the i-c for the band. hmmm.. anw, somehow i felt that i wasnt 'certified' enough to lead them.. but i'll cont to chant for everyone's growth n that i will be able to contribute!


and here's another math question:
bunneh has to travel to two places on a weekend. first stop would be to the east by 5pm and to the north-west by 6pm. if bunneh stays in the north and it'd take 1 hour to get to the first stop and second stop each; 1.5 hour from first stop to second stop, how will bunneh be able to reach both place on time?


i think i've gone mad.. *pop pills*



was at syc ytd for youth dance prac and saw the kind uncle(i think his surname is teo. :P) who was lookin after syc! he's a very nice man who took efforts to remember names of youths and never fails to take good care of us. hmmm, maybe he knows that i need encouragement and he gave me the photos that he 'found' taken for 3.16.. *touched* thank you uncle!! i'll work hard.. =)

好累啊！

今天好像做错了很多事情。。

心情一天比一天糟

虽然我本来是不应该把什么不愉快，伤心。。 总之，让别人有负作用的话语都不应该是永就对了。

没办法达成每天一个钟头的题目。。自己也不知怎么了，一直没办法把职责做好来。。记忆力也帮不上我的忙，还越帮越忙。

不知从什么时候，我已经提不起以前那种魄力与冲劲。很会挑别人的缺点啦。。自己却只有高傲的思想，根本不能达成什么。 之前干事告诉我一个指导里这么说：“要先学会欣赏自己的生命。”

我。。。

一直有依靠着御本尊的想法。就是不能相信自己能够提出佛界，获得胜利然后帮助其他人也在生命中看到现证。一个又一个的折服运动来了又过，来了又过。。 我不知几时自己也能看到胜利。我想就像夫人部那样，大家或许对我已非常失望了吧。 我应该/可以/必须 做什么呢?

my injuries hurt! ='(


cant kneel.. maybe can kneel but cant kneel up.. as in when u wan to move ahead with ur knees kind.. and when climbing stairs, i feel like an old lady lor.. :S


ytd was Labour day! HAPPY LABOUR DAY EVERYONE!!!


went to ica for Let Advance Together mtg.. was supposed to reach by 11. but i woke up too late.. ended up reachin at 1130.. was quite glad that my journey for the entire day was quite smooth sailing.. reached 969 stop at 11 and the bus came in less than 5 mins.. then didnt have to wait very long for 293 either.. smooth eh?

after mtg i got a ride to central then to transfer bus to PP. and za got to take a cab which made me feel so bad... anw, we had a great time shoppin ard.. till we were all tired from walking.. (or maybe its only me?) i bought quite a lot of stuffs thou.. hehe.. the greedy one.. bought juz cuz it was cheap.. but i bought a pair of pumps which i really like!! it was Blue with velvet black and Gold ornaments!

yay¬¬ finally ah tu is able to use internet at home..

after days of struggles.. --"

called my service provider in the day and even left my contact but they didnt get back to me.. too busy?

slept almost throughout the day.. due to lost of blood? hahaha.. then went for my study mtg in the evening and back home.. until my sis asked my to call "them", i intend to go to sleep..

seriously i do not understand.. but as learnt from tonight, everything has its good side and bad side.. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.. :P

when the service provider pple couldnt help me much w the technical details, i got to call the router pple.. i think ar, i'm dialing to US leh.. cuz the line seems to be quite unstable.. for the first call, she could not hear me and until i hear a long 'b-e-e-p' sound.. then i called back again..

the service was quite good but for the fact that she was sooooooooo patient, i was the one getting impatient.. ahahhaa.. she was very detailed.. afraid that the other person might be an IT-noob ba.. she went like "ok, go to the bottom right hand corner of your screen and look for a computer icon. is there a red X on it?" ahaha.. i feel like tellin her, ya, its the wireless connection.. :P but interesting...

so yay¬ my internet is back.. juz that now ther's some slight prob w my keys.. like keys that show opposite of what they're supposed to show..

yay¬ once again.. but boo.. to my new role.. ahahha.. i am jus so not ready i guess.. lots to learn.. maybe to fall from a high building then i'll learn.. :P

YAWNs..


its monday once again.. had a super tiring and exciting and fulfiling weekends.. good times flies..

went out w my G-frens on fri.. horrible man.. keep laughing and laughing and laughing, until i was so tired le.. haha..lack of oxygen i think.. because of my frens, life was more exciting and full of flavours. that's where i discover my weakness with them. am able to communicate online but when see each other, again i have not much words.. =( but still, really cherish these frens. :P i love u babes oh~ ^^

sat was totally a slack day.. *oink oink* till 1 plus lor.. n scary thing is my mom said that when i sleep it was like i wud be in a shock suddenly then went back to sleep. funny i dun remember anything like that. maybe too f-a-t le.. =((( sometimes i wonder wad wud happen if it was my last moment of life alrdy.. wud i still cling on and regret knowing that there are lots of things that i haven done? but somehow, i feel that well, there are people who can definitely do what i did mah.. hahaha.. think too much..

was violently awoken by my parents.. and they wan me to go out.. so we went.. amk! --" didnt manage to buy anything at all.. sob sob.. went to this Yahoo cafe for the first time tgt w my parents.. its was like a asian fusion restaurant having local delights to roast meat to those 'ze char' to baked potatoes and western food. ... wont go into details but i will not really recommend you to try.. cuz it's the price of average cafe but the food is not really fantastic leh.. :P

went to "auntie lucy's" then headed home. but my day was not yet over!! it was actually the review session for my new dist.. and it was a new place which i nv go before.. so summoned my dad to help me check out the way to go etc.. luckily didnt 'loose' my way neh.. reached 5 mins after 8pm. hmmm.. dont wan to talk abt the review session.. cant say it was good or bad. =/

-next-

my home internet is still not up!! argh~~ which means i've no use for the 2gb of ram cuz my com cant even access to the net.. (as the ram is dedicated to the use of pirates and rabbits only) =P went to slp w a sad heart.. muahahahha!! cuz my internet down lor.. argh.. shldnt carry on as it'll juz make me complain more..

was on time(actually) for Mg wor.. but dunno wad happened to me.. juz stone and think think think until the door went *to to to to to* then i realised i shld get down but it was too late already.. arh.. and i think i missed the bus lor.. again.. 969 等很久。--" ended reachin hq at 8+ + + + +.. hahaa.. maybe next time shld take 22.. :P this mg wasnt as good.. maybe cuz GD wasnt there? hmm.. then went for breakfast.. meow meow didnt come wor~~ somebody dreamt of you! until he was late..! haha.. then went to carleen's hse to pass her some stuff but she was bathing.. then back to central again.. woah! am i a runner.. manage to take the same bus again with them even though i had to go up to my ywd's hse.. shows how long the wait for the bus is.. went wan li & si yi to tm to shop for their cookie ingredients but i think in the end they decide to go to SS instead.

and, finally got the sms from my ywd that she is available at 1 +.. so yay~~ juz that i have some time to spare so went to tsc.. and when i was abt to leave tsc, it was raining!! wah.. zhen bu qiao neh.. i want to leave and yet u dun let me leave.. thought of borrowing umbrella from gajoukai but, in the end juz walked out while the rain is still um- small. hahaa.. raining nevermind, guess wad? my sandal broke!! argh~ when i was crossing the load lor.. in the middle of the load leh.. sigh.. ish embarrassed de lor.. dunno wad to do.. the bus to tamp central was at the stop and there were the golden lion ymds infront whom i know so i dun wan to paiseh myself also. after much effort i got on the bus!! luckily wasnt squashed by the bus door.. think i was like too gan chiong le.. zhen shi ah tu 遇险记 leh..

finally got to the interchange and i tot the bus would drop at the macs ther but in fact it was the other direction!! it was so difficult walkin w the broken sandal lor.. dragged myself all the way before i reached the shoe shop.. phew~ bought a pair quickly and chao le.. have the 此地不宜久留 kind of feeling.. finallywas on my way to simei.. hahaa.. hope nobody recognises me.. :P

east point is exciting man! so many shops and stuff ard.. juz tt i've difficulty lookin for the atm.. saw my shotenenjin kaili who told me wher was the atm.. yay! it was actually outside of the building la.. which i nv thought ther were any shops outside de.. and so, finally met up w my ywd and we had a very good dialogue tgt.. this will serve as an encouragement for my own up-and-coming series of dialogues and homevisit. =)

and so, proceed to hbf.. now my turn for kopi-kai.. juz that its more scary cuz its ywd chief.. asst-ywd chief to be specific.. when i reached, i saw ywd chief and sd chief which made me jump up for a moment.. but lucky its only 1 person who's gg to have the dialogue w me.. so the dialogue went.. well.. she talked to me regarding my new position and offer guidance that was ample to set me off with a lighter heart and greater sense of responsibility i guess. it was a 'profound and complicated' feeling..

and my good fortune to have transport back to hq.. if not really can faint.. haha.. reached a lil later for welcoming for our zone memorial gongyo.. the turnout wasnt fantastic..the hall was still half empty.. but seeing familiar faces of my wds really warmed my heart.. and of cuz those that already went to the new zone.. and my ywd ldr!! it is good to see her back.. i'll use my life to encourage hers this time round. =) so sorry that i didnt do much.. but you are not alone!!

so, and returned home still with my internet-down laptop.. i seriously have no idea how to configure it.. even reseting the router does not seem to help.. any network pros ard?

back from my RHQ ldrs mtg!! feel so inspired yet also feel burdened entrusted with the huge responsibility..

attended tonights' mtg feelin different from usual. Prepared souvenirs(my last gift.. haha..) for HGS so i missed the chanting.. =/

also missed most of what the first speaker said.. then was about significance of discussion meeting.. followed by details and purpose of upcoming CGM Q&A session then lastly encouragement from VGD Mr Chan!

his encouragement was very solid.. not theoreotical but down-to-earth.. citing examples of possible incidents and sharing of experiences..

and he shared something very interesting.. he said that if any point in time we feel LLC or down or despressed or self-denial, just tell yourself "I'M UNDER ATTACKED!!!" (and i was damn amused by his actions at this pt in time.) in fact, it means the attack of sanshoshima which obstructs us to accomplish kosen-rufu. Once we identify this, we will be able to stand up and not let that affect us.

3.15 and 3.16 was really a great success!! sensei had the photos of the symposium and 3.15 commemorative meeting published on Seikyo Shimbun!! and the picture of 3.15 was blown up BIG BIG wor.. dun need magnifying glass, microscope, telescope or even spectacles to see ourselves inside neh!! *clapclap*

-- digress --
i am still unsure of my own capabilities.. in fact, even wanted to request to go back to HGS and fight together with them.. but i that there'll be a time where i have to left go of all the tasks and responsibility so that others can grow.. and now is the time.. so i'll to have such conviction that things will definitely go my way, and of course, i have to first grasp the correct strategy and take prompt and accurate action so that i can grow and also foster many successors..

something sheng told me struck me.. i have become so prejudice and negative that perhaps my mind has been clouded.. yes, a blog is one for people to write down their ideas.. so it does not mean that everything is true or wadsoever.. i really appreciate that someone understands.. yay~ and he say that we muz speak out the truth.. a few words tagged or comment doesnt mean anything.. i'm sure wad WE are doing is correct, because we are slowly seeing the effect.. once again, my tap is triggered but more importantly, i know we must act.. ACTION!!

email from my zone.. after reading it, many feelings and thoughts came to mind.. eyes already tearing wor.. :( dunno what i can do.. feeling angry at one point but on the other hand, i'm also not doing anything useful..

hai..

didnt really sleep well last night..the weather was so hot.. plus there was a machine turned on the whole night and the heat produced juz adds on to my frustration.. hahahaa..

woke up quite late today.. am suposed to have lessons but i dunno whether i shld have lessons cuz my officer has not approved the plan and on the other hand, another colleague already had everything laid out..

in the end(reminded of kal's nick), rushed to and fro to the lab, then to the office to get remote, then back, then after #1 went back to office with the thought that i can rest but the call came again and i had to go to the lab again.. sigh.. not a very good day but it can be worse thou..yes i know..

my mind is thinkin of weird stuffs right now.. my geeks might know.. i only told them the specific details cuz i juz need to say it out to someone ba.. to let it out u know, u know.. and muz find the right people to do so.. seems to foresee attack from an external source.. HELP!! :S

havin read HER's and HIS's blog.. i had a gush of mixed feelings.. dunno what i shld say.. maybe as wad she say, we cannot judge a person just by what we see.. BUT.. my heart really aches when i think of that.. is what i've heard and seen wrong?

i do not claim myself as a best friend, or best comrade of hers.. because she does not say so too.. but i did my best to support her in any way i could not because i want people to praise and say "wow, u're really her good friend/zenchishiki" or to accumulate more good fortune for myself.. how come, how come i am so affected, i can drop tears for just a friend when you are not even willing to do it?

so is that showing your love? or u are goin to say that your heart bleeds silently kind of crap.. i'm just so angry and disappointed at the thought of this.. but maybe maybe.. as wad i've heard, you have been showing 'improvements' through ur actions.. then i'll feel a lil more relieved..

sigh..


*ting ting ting~~*


finally found the way to restore all my contacts from PC back to my phone.. sent my phone for software update today.. but it seems its not really tt good afterall.. cuz it still restarts on it own.. or isit cuz i've used too large a memory stick? impossible.. it can hold up to 2GB while i only used a 512MB.. haha.. but happy that it is able to read the country code now.. ^^V!!

kenna caught by the cough virus.. and the weather is turning hot!! argh~~ melting melting.. hahahaa.. a new environment awaits me.. but i'm still not really ready yet.. still chanting bout it.. as promised, i'll definitely find a answer for myself which i'll go back to when i'm in doubt or when i forgot my vow.. =D

sometimes i'm juz stucked in my own world where i imagine things to go the direction i want.. haha.. is this wrong? because it seems as if too much daydream makes one lose its idealism and forgot bout the harsh realities of the society.. wahahhaha.. my mind still works like a naive kid i think.. am very worried indeed, how can i inspire those around me.. i guess age plays a part too.. but everything has its reason.. i believe there's it significance for me because i grew up with the Gohonzon at home.. thanks to my parents and sisters.. =))

ok, shall stop here.. am really happy today... and really tired as well.. but am striving to chant lots of daimoku to push myself forward... i know i may procrastinate, or backslide or digress or wadever-you-call-it.. but muz continue this struggle.. its unavoidable leh..i also hope i can run away.. but then in the end, i'll find myself weak and useless and unable to help or encourage anyone else.. so, tata!!

its monday! and this fact is affecting me a lil..

spent the entire morning doing photoshop.. and my desktop is CareBears now!! ^^V bought several CB files ytd tgt w meow.. lolx~

so my desktop is wearing this:

argh... shuo bu chu de ku.. feeling very ku now.. =(((

and then,

found the website for CB and i am so happy!! these are the all the bears~~ kawaii!

which one do u think is most like u? hahaha.. ^^

RAWR~~~

2nd post of the day.. so tired.. been sleepin so much recently.. isit due to the weather? or juz tt the sleepin demon has inherited my soul? haha..


feel that life is like a game of tug-of-war.. muz constantly pull and win your opponent otherwise u'll lose once ur fighting spirit is gone and when you let go of the rope..


now.. i feel like i'm the piece of ribbon being tied in the middle of the rope.. hahaa.. being pulled to and fro, to and fro, to and fro..


seems as if i have so many things to handle, and yet at the same time, like i have nothing to do.. muahahahhahahaha.. Librians are so confused.. so isit only me? always tryin to balance, tryin to weight the pros and cons of everything until in the end am the only one to suffer..


so conclusion? == no conclusion cuz weighing in progres.. hahahahaa.. and lemme show u the poster i've done for 3.16.. in the end they say that the poster would not be put up.. think its decided by the management ba.. =S u think its nice? hahaha..

landscape...

potrait..



i came out with this design because it had to be similar or match to the ticket design: (so does it?)

yeah!! concert is over..



BUT...



weiyi didnt come, jinsi didnt come, weiling didnt come, and my dist girls didnt come.. my dist ymd also didnt come..



AND...




i didnt receive any flowers wor.. only some weird person sms me say 'i know you, just that your phone doesnt have the correct combination of 9876543210 of my no.' like duh! meow leng, help!!




BUT...




this is considered OUR first official concert besides playin for impromptu performances, or tgt w Nester they all.. so not bad.. though i missed some notes, a few pitches off, missed a few cues, stoned a lil, everything else was ok..



tired.. after the 'mess' on fri, then the crazy IT show on sat, then the early morning gongyo on sunday.. i will miss the wonderful friendship and the wonderful conductors and the wonderful music we all made together..



though it was really not easy(for me) haha.. cuz i really struggled alot.. both mentally and physically.. wanted to give up many many times.. but i told myself not to.. i always made myself think what would sensei do if he was me? and i think he will take everything to himself without complains and persevere on..



though i'm not so great.. but i managed to really persevere on.. so many things happening to people around makes me realise how important a life is.. and how much we want to achieve is really determined by how much we want it to be achieved.. understand? i juz want to show, show that no matter how great the hurdle, as long as we keep on reminding ourselves of our vow, of our determination each time doubt arises, as long as we have the compassion and wisdom.. we will definitely be able to breakthru our lesser self..




BUT..




i'm so sorry.. i MIGHT have misunderstand... and scolded the wrong person.. maybe what you did was right? maybe it wasnt.. things seems to always be so 'grey' that there's no seperation between right and wrong, good and bad.. my resources in my Pte Ltd de company is used up le i think..




TIRED..



dun wan to create any more bad karma in my life... change change change!!! *like sailormoon eh?* ^^V

hai.. ah tu is sad.. i feel like i've been cheated lor..


yesterday before i left work, feeling happy and all.. and today, i felt the total extreme.


how can they attach someone else's payslip to mine? or maybe it was because i was too mindless to see carefully AGAIN.. but still!!! i thought i had an increment! when i checked my bank, there wasnt. so i forgot all bout it until i reached home.. checked again this morning bearing some hope.. there still isnt!! checked the document.. its another person's name!! so sad so sad.. the money is not mine~~~ hen xiang xiao zhe guo qu, but its impossible.. i juz wished i had a shell to hide in now lor..


my only consolation is my friends who will rejoice w me when i share w them the good news and who will feel sad together with me when i told them that it didnt turn out good.. at least my happiness is doubled and my sadness is halved le ba.. right?


maybe i'm really those who do not have a mind of my own.. but i do have my own principles..why should we live a life that is so self-centered, self-demanding? hai.. how i feel, what i do, what's in my mind cant be said with juz a few words or even a few nights of talking.. that's y i'm juz tryin to release a lil of my unhappiness, of my clashing thoughts, to minimise the chances of suffering internal injuries.. =P


ther's a chinese saying dunno wad ... 惊醒梦中人 i think i feel like that.. go a big round, still come back to ourselves ba.. since i realise this, should start thinkin about wad i shld do and wad i can do le.. but i really feel very appreciated for the efforts trying to put in.. we are all humans so definitely ther'll be times wher we feel tired.. i also will!! but i always tell myself that since sensei can do it, i muz also be able to win, even step by step.. hahaha...


bu zhi dao yao shuo se me.. (i dunno wad to carry on typing) ru guo you se me wen ti jiu lai zao wo ba! (if you have any enquires, feel free to look for me!!!) wo sui ran hen mang, dan bu guan zen yang dou hui jing wo nen li de! (though i look like a busy person,i will do my best to help!~)

*the translated english text is for the benefits of dead indian meat.. wahahahaha.. :P

Look at this:

and this!

Janus a two-headed Greek turtle is displayed at the Natural History Museum in Geneva September 5, 2007. Janus, named after the Roman god with two heads, officially celebrated its 10th birthday on Wednesday. REUTERS/Denis Balibouse (SWITZERLAND)

YES!!

it is a 2-head wu gui!!(tortise)

because W = Weili, it also happens tt W = Wu Gui..

like i'm so proud of it heh? well, for the very strong character in 'Tortise and Hare Race" ba.. the tortise won due to its unwavering determination.. but i think i'm worse off compared to tt wu gui.. =(

sometimes or rather, most of the time i really cannot understand my mom.. argh!! hao xiang bu guan wo fu chu se me nu li, dou kan bu dao jie guo, shi qing ye yi zhi mei you gai bian.. wei se me ne?

isit cuz i'm really ignorant like wad they think of me to be, or am i juz like this in front of them, OR am i only like this in front of them? i also dunno lei.. mystery to be solved..

lots of things to do, to think..

so see ya!! enjoy ur day!! ^-*

ARGH!!!

i just need to scream.. somewhere.. pls forgive me.




i'm so sorry.. to myself and all of you.. to how i am today.. i know it, gohonzon knows it, sensei knows it..





this will not happen again..






chant, weili.. chant k?







yes!





"i know i'm not a perfect person
i know i'm not a sage
i know i'm a special person
but i'm not an insincere man"

to start off, i would like to declare victory! because today's milk run prac we had victory! the story goes: initially NYP will have no participants except for 1.. but i chanted to the gohonzon for emergence of the Bodhisattva of the Earth.. and in the end we got 4!! yeappie!! thou its not some big achievement.. but i'm really glad.. so sorry to all, or anyone tt i've not been able to attend to personally with care.. i have not done enough.. i will do better the next time round.. realised tt being a (GOOD) trainer is not easy.. i need to strive even harder.. try not to late.. toda sensei strictly reprimanded his workers who were late for work and say it boils down to faith. these people cannot understand and will eventually slacken and disappear from the path of faith.. i muz not become pple like tt..

xin sui le.. why? not because i was rejected by any guys.. wahahhaa.. but because of some words tt my fellow supposed-to-be-comrade made.. am i really non-humanistic? how can i influence all? so sorry tt u 2 have not been contacted because i ASSUMED tt the head will call.. but she didnt.. i shldn't have assumed.. but our orchestra will not be not-humanistic.. this is something i cannot accept! if you say so, wad have you done to make changes? because SNCO shld be a part of all of us! i feel terribly disappointed.. wad can i do? been pondering wad can i do.. but, i have not taken any action.. in order to enable the orchestra to truly grow, each and every one muz grow.. and to do that, i muz grow myself, then i will be able to convince and inspire the rest.. i feel so because this is the path i choose.. well, i choose to join the band, now staying on in the orchestra.. all of you did too.. if you think u're better off joinin elsewhere, go ahead.. because the Gakkai is not a place for materialistic pple.. we do not aspire to become famous or super-good in playing.. but to really use our music, use our life, to encourage just one more person.. this is wad sensei has always been advocating.. i have to say all these here so that all of you reading can really reflect upon ourself.. "be strict to yourself, but compassionate to others." sometimes i cant do this because i am strict, i hope you can understand that i wan u to conquer your own devilish function, to grow and become truly happy.. no one can become happy be depending on others or some external factors.. but become truly happy when you have discovered your unique mission in life and also strong, unwavering faith towards the gohonzon..

i'm not very good/angelic/holy either.. i also have many many many faults.. but the most scary weakness we can have is cowardness and denial.. if we are coward, we cannot accomplish anything.. because u've alrdy built your own 'platinum' wall to your own road of happiness.. lets really be strong! we are disciples of the lion king! nothing to be scared of!! so no matter wad obstacles arises, lets dance joyfully and tell ourselves it is the time for us to transform our karma and breakthru this suffering!

something i read:"
The most respectable and noble person in the world is one with the greatest love for the people. A truly wise person is not someone who orders others to treat him or her deferentially, but someone who teaches through words and actions that each person, including his or her mother, is vitally important. The disciple here, suddenly grasping the immense warmth of his mentor's spirit must have felt he was gazing upon the sun's brilliance.

The heart of one person moves another's. A Greek philosopher teaches that hatred of language and ideas leads to hatred of humanity. (4) If your heart is closed, then the doors to other people's hearts will also shut tight. On the other hand, someone who makes all those around him or her into allies, bathing them in the sunlight of spring, as it were, will be treasured by all.
A Buddhist's way of life has to embody such clear and natural reasoning. The Buddha transmits the heart's sunlight universally to all beings.

Even when we strive to treat everyone with love and compassion, though --- since we are ordinary people --- it is only natural that we will have likes and dislikes. There is no need for us to struggle to make ourselves fond of people we find disagreeable. In our work as emissaries of the Buddha, however, we must not let our thoughts or actions be colored by any discrimination or favoritism.

Through offering sincere prayer and conducting earnest dialogue, all of you are working to open the lives of people whose hearts are closed tight like clams. Your actions are noble.

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When we base our lives on the great wish for kosen-rufu, regarding each effort as "like dew entering the ocean, or soil being added to the earth," then our petty lesser self gives way to the greater self that shines with eternal victory. Our every effort turns into an ocean of benefit, an earth of good fortune.

I hope each of you will be confident that, just as Nichiren Daishonin promises, you have already entered this path. And that, therefore, you will treasure your heart of faith.

The "Letter to Lord Toki," while short, is pervaded with warmth. In it, we glimpse warm heart-to-heart exchange between the Daishonin and his followers. Because of their bond with the Daishonin and sense of inner security that this brought, his followers could endure ordeals and struggle with all their might for kosen-rufu.

"How can I help others experience joy? How can I help them practice in high spirits and really exert themselves?" It goes without saying that someone who gives no thought to these questions and does not respond to members' needs is not qualified to be a leader in the humane world of Buddhism.

Our practice has to be based on strong prayer for the happiness of each person. Donning Toki Jonin's robe, which was imbued with sincerity, the Daishonin, too, prayed to the Buddhist gods.

When we sincerely pray, without fail the Buddha wisdom to know how to encourage others will well forth. Our movement of kosen-rufu is to expand this world of encouragement. "

so how deep is our bond with sensei? i rem my ywd zone chief say this very clearly:"Faith is something that belongs to you. Wadever you do or not do is not for other pple to see.. its because you feel joy doing so" so i always keep these words with me to remind myself.. Faith.. ldrs can encourage you, can keep calling you etc.. but if we alrdy thought of giving it a try or you alrdy know all that, have you done anything to ensure u grow and learn from it? ultimately it is we ourselves who choose to be encouraged by the encouragement, or we totally "shut-off" our lives from them.. likewise, bond with sensei is something that only we know.. how deep is your bond with sensei is not how pretty you made the words to be.. but wad have you done or how have you tried to show actual proof? thus, i am not a worthy disciple of sensei.. after saying so much, i just wan to say, the choice is yours.. to be happy or suffering for the rest of your lives?