havin read HER's and HIS's blog.. i had a gush of mixed feelings.. dunno what i shld say.. maybe as wad she say, we cannot judge a person just by what we see.. BUT.. my heart really aches when i think of that.. is what i've heard and seen wrong?

i do not claim myself as a best friend, or best comrade of hers.. because she does not say so too.. but i did my best to support her in any way i could not because i want people to praise and say "wow, u're really her good friend/zenchishiki" or to accumulate more good fortune for myself.. how come, how come i am so affected, i can drop tears for just a friend when you are not even willing to do it?

so is that showing your love? or u are goin to say that your heart bleeds silently kind of crap.. i'm just so angry and disappointed at the thought of this.. but maybe maybe.. as wad i've heard, you have been showing 'improvements' through ur actions.. then i'll feel a lil more relieved..

sigh..


*ting ting ting~~*


finally found the way to restore all my contacts from PC back to my phone.. sent my phone for software update today.. but it seems its not really tt good afterall.. cuz it still restarts on it own.. or isit cuz i've used too large a memory stick? impossible.. it can hold up to 2GB while i only used a 512MB.. haha.. but happy that it is able to read the country code now.. ^^V!!

kenna caught by the cough virus.. and the weather is turning hot!! argh~~ melting melting.. hahahaa.. a new environment awaits me.. but i'm still not really ready yet.. still chanting bout it.. as promised, i'll definitely find a answer for myself which i'll go back to when i'm in doubt or when i forgot my vow.. =D

sometimes i'm juz stucked in my own world where i imagine things to go the direction i want.. haha.. is this wrong? because it seems as if too much daydream makes one lose its idealism and forgot bout the harsh realities of the society.. wahahhaha.. my mind still works like a naive kid i think.. am very worried indeed, how can i inspire those around me.. i guess age plays a part too.. but everything has its reason.. i believe there's it significance for me because i grew up with the Gohonzon at home.. thanks to my parents and sisters.. =))

ok, shall stop here.. am really happy today... and really tired as well.. but am striving to chant lots of daimoku to push myself forward... i know i may procrastinate, or backslide or digress or wadever-you-call-it.. but muz continue this struggle.. its unavoidable leh..i also hope i can run away.. but then in the end, i'll find myself weak and useless and unable to help or encourage anyone else.. so, tata!!