lemme blog a quick post before heading to my manga. :P



today was the day or probably friday WAS the day where i finally took some action for a dream that i wanted to realise long ago.. and i was glad i had hor hor to accompany me. even thou she was almost 2 hours late. tch!


the first stop was quite disappointing and energy draining. at first i wanted to walk around then i realised some levels of the building was locked and we can only visit if we join the guided tour. didnt manage to see anything much nor get any useful information. gotta go thru the pamphlets again.


the second stop was somewhat more reassuring.. the environment was nice. but at the same time it gave me tremendous stress because i wasnt sure if i could cope. anyway, i didnt want to waste the efforts of my friend who came to accompany me so i summon all the courage and went to check out the details and even did the application! (cuz its free) and oh, its such a coincidence that i saw my senior there. she prob forgot my name but i still rem hers and what instrument she play. hahaha..


so it was something unexpected or shld i say i didnt put in effort to think about it. and now i have two impt dates for me to take action till then: 21 Jan and 19 March.


im really nervous and unsure.. but i've thought that nothing will happen if i act so cowardly always. i'll just do my best. if it is what im supposed to, definitely i'll be able to see things coming and happening.


and because i wanted to take action more than sitting there and think like what i've been doing for the past years, i started reading the NHR.. vol 14 chpt 1 titled 'Wisdom and Courage'. chose this because this are the two qualities i need to polish urgently. and in it sensei wrote about the student protest and mostly on student division. of course the content is not only relevant to students. so i wanted to summon my wisdom and courage too. to fight my best no matter what and im trying hard not to doubt my own innate potential. so my friends, just put in your best and you might see wonderful and painful things as well which will create a strong innate self. ok im tired so cant be bothered to write my sentences properly.


Wisdom and Courage. Gambatte!

the weekend was over! and it means a new, refreshing, tiring, hectic, exciting week ahead.. many things to look forward, provided i am keeping things going.


friday.. wad i do? oops.. memory failure..


oh! i went shoppin with my mom! not really shoppin, but juz out to get some clothes for work.. hehe.. 5/7 days a week so muz wear nice nice then will feel good.. cuz weekends, i'm usually gg to kaikans or.. mtgs or.. runnin ard and i do not have the chance to wear pretty x2!! i'm sure most (workin)ladies would agree to this point.


sat, slept a lil later then i went to meet my zone.. wow, kun nan chong chong wor.. sighs.. change and change and change.. but its ok la.. train my patience.. maybe these things are really to train myself and do my HR neh.. :P

we chanted for awhile and she wanted to find out more about my chpt.. sighs.. i'm really feeling pretty stressed and helpless.. you yi zhong wu zu de gan jue.. :S and how can i make myself remember more things? i really want to do more, do more, do more.. how can i do that? human zhen de shi bian huan duo che..

then rushed down for prac.. luckily i wasnt very late. didnt prac much for myself but at least now we can hear abit more of what the entire piece sounds like.. more complete kind.. yay~ and i'm spoiling the sound of it.. i'm so sorry peeps! i will really try even harder to polish my scales and sounds and everything.. :S

then we almost spoilt meow's dad car by squeezing 4 person into the backseat.. ok la.. my bad.. i'm taking up more space in it ok? lolx~ but save time and $$ leh~~ meow's super loads of good fortune to have such parents. ^^ and i managed to get home, have a quick dinner, pack up a lil and go for my zadankai which is near my place.. ahahha.. so my district is near my place wher my place is near my district. get it?


sunday. home-delivered hamster cage to tutu kueh. damn nice rite me? i also think so.. ahahhaa.. next time i also wan home delivery service.. though we missed a few paras of the gongyo, i managed to chant.. 45 mins! yay~ clap clap.. this is important because:
1. the auntie beside me was chanting off-beat.. which makes it a lil diff for me to concentrate if i dont concentrate.
2. with so many things to accomplish, its even more challenging to find time to chant loads.
3. i have been lagging alot behind my SHINE campaign. even tutu kueh completed her chart leh.. zhen shi paiseh.. :P

then off i went to tsc.. am very lucky to get transport to and fro TSC-HQ.. cuz it was drizzling + raining + some random thunder and lightning which makes it a very wet sunday indeed. and i have good frens who wait for me!! hehehe.. thank you very much neh~ but due to my shi yi zhen, i still forgot to pass one of them something.. argh.. i need to eat pig's brain le..

then fri rend.. was a lil better than my previous times and this is going to be my first performance for fri rend/gakkai in this year.. as u have greater responsibilities, the chances to do what u like(like performing as performers) decreases greatly.. like FortePiano kind.. jus like after i join the orch.. :P

after end of sept i shall look back at my 07's entry.. ahaha.. and see whether is ther any improvement.. :P lookin forward to many things except month of october onwards.. sigh..

sigh..

sigh..

can i blog can i blog can i blog??

its office hrs for me now!! but am always using it to do something else.. :P so bad hor..

had a meetup ytd w the 'blue and green people'.. hahahaa.. qing chu yu lan sheng yu lan mah..

went thru the mbrs, ldrs, and dist's list.. feeling like WOAH! cuz i completely have no idea of the situation.. and i suddenly feel like sensei when he was young, Toda sensei entrusted him with tasks and sent him to prefectures and district where members' faith was stagnant and to create and build the foundation.

hmmm.. but, somehow inside of me, i feel that i really do not have the capabilities.. i am a quite new leader, appointed 4 years ago first as SD CIC and 3 years ago as district leader..

now, i'm taking over from my ex-dist leader who used to look after me and working tgt w my FD ic who looked after me too in my secondary school days..

seems to be stacking bricks on top of myself hor.. alright i shouldn't accumulate anymore bad karma in my life also.. lol!! but seriously, honestly, i already have some plans and strategy and actions at the back of my mind that i want to carry it out.. Rule No. 1: to strive in itaidoshin with youth leaders and then 4Div leaders. =)

as i promised myself and the reason for taking up this responsibility, i must be able to forge myself into stronger and capable-er individual. in order to help others and myself. =D yes! taking concrete actions!!

had NYP mtg ytd.. to plan for polaris.. hai.. i think i am not living the true way as a disciple.. feelin so tired.. isit because i did not try hard enough to foster and train my YWD or isit jus an excuse.. "wormy" said many things which made me feel so ashamed of myself.. he is right lor.. can see his growth.. jia you!! i muz also jia you.. if not how can i encourage more pple? byebye NYP~~ dun miss me k? i will try to not.. haha.. afterall, its 3 yrs of my struggles, sweat and tears in building up this institution.. though its nothing much but i really hope all of you can become even more capable leaders than me.. yi ding yao rang hui you xing fu!
lets strive towards institution mtg, towards, may 3rd 2010 and towards july 2017!!! Cheers!

to start off, i would like to declare victory! because today's milk run prac we had victory! the story goes: initially NYP will have no participants except for 1.. but i chanted to the gohonzon for emergence of the Bodhisattva of the Earth.. and in the end we got 4!! yeappie!! thou its not some big achievement.. but i'm really glad.. so sorry to all, or anyone tt i've not been able to attend to personally with care.. i have not done enough.. i will do better the next time round.. realised tt being a (GOOD) trainer is not easy.. i need to strive even harder.. try not to late.. toda sensei strictly reprimanded his workers who were late for work and say it boils down to faith. these people cannot understand and will eventually slacken and disappear from the path of faith.. i muz not become pple like tt..

xin sui le.. why? not because i was rejected by any guys.. wahahhaa.. but because of some words tt my fellow supposed-to-be-comrade made.. am i really non-humanistic? how can i influence all? so sorry tt u 2 have not been contacted because i ASSUMED tt the head will call.. but she didnt.. i shldn't have assumed.. but our orchestra will not be not-humanistic.. this is something i cannot accept! if you say so, wad have you done to make changes? because SNCO shld be a part of all of us! i feel terribly disappointed.. wad can i do? been pondering wad can i do.. but, i have not taken any action.. in order to enable the orchestra to truly grow, each and every one muz grow.. and to do that, i muz grow myself, then i will be able to convince and inspire the rest.. i feel so because this is the path i choose.. well, i choose to join the band, now staying on in the orchestra.. all of you did too.. if you think u're better off joinin elsewhere, go ahead.. because the Gakkai is not a place for materialistic pple.. we do not aspire to become famous or super-good in playing.. but to really use our music, use our life, to encourage just one more person.. this is wad sensei has always been advocating.. i have to say all these here so that all of you reading can really reflect upon ourself.. "be strict to yourself, but compassionate to others." sometimes i cant do this because i am strict, i hope you can understand that i wan u to conquer your own devilish function, to grow and become truly happy.. no one can become happy be depending on others or some external factors.. but become truly happy when you have discovered your unique mission in life and also strong, unwavering faith towards the gohonzon..

i'm not very good/angelic/holy either.. i also have many many many faults.. but the most scary weakness we can have is cowardness and denial.. if we are coward, we cannot accomplish anything.. because u've alrdy built your own 'platinum' wall to your own road of happiness.. lets really be strong! we are disciples of the lion king! nothing to be scared of!! so no matter wad obstacles arises, lets dance joyfully and tell ourselves it is the time for us to transform our karma and breakthru this suffering!

something i read:"
The most respectable and noble person in the world is one with the greatest love for the people. A truly wise person is not someone who orders others to treat him or her deferentially, but someone who teaches through words and actions that each person, including his or her mother, is vitally important. The disciple here, suddenly grasping the immense warmth of his mentor's spirit must have felt he was gazing upon the sun's brilliance.

The heart of one person moves another's. A Greek philosopher teaches that hatred of language and ideas leads to hatred of humanity. (4) If your heart is closed, then the doors to other people's hearts will also shut tight. On the other hand, someone who makes all those around him or her into allies, bathing them in the sunlight of spring, as it were, will be treasured by all.
A Buddhist's way of life has to embody such clear and natural reasoning. The Buddha transmits the heart's sunlight universally to all beings.

Even when we strive to treat everyone with love and compassion, though --- since we are ordinary people --- it is only natural that we will have likes and dislikes. There is no need for us to struggle to make ourselves fond of people we find disagreeable. In our work as emissaries of the Buddha, however, we must not let our thoughts or actions be colored by any discrimination or favoritism.

Through offering sincere prayer and conducting earnest dialogue, all of you are working to open the lives of people whose hearts are closed tight like clams. Your actions are noble.

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When we base our lives on the great wish for kosen-rufu, regarding each effort as "like dew entering the ocean, or soil being added to the earth," then our petty lesser self gives way to the greater self that shines with eternal victory. Our every effort turns into an ocean of benefit, an earth of good fortune.

I hope each of you will be confident that, just as Nichiren Daishonin promises, you have already entered this path. And that, therefore, you will treasure your heart of faith.

The "Letter to Lord Toki," while short, is pervaded with warmth. In it, we glimpse warm heart-to-heart exchange between the Daishonin and his followers. Because of their bond with the Daishonin and sense of inner security that this brought, his followers could endure ordeals and struggle with all their might for kosen-rufu.

"How can I help others experience joy? How can I help them practice in high spirits and really exert themselves?" It goes without saying that someone who gives no thought to these questions and does not respond to members' needs is not qualified to be a leader in the humane world of Buddhism.

Our practice has to be based on strong prayer for the happiness of each person. Donning Toki Jonin's robe, which was imbued with sincerity, the Daishonin, too, prayed to the Buddhist gods.

When we sincerely pray, without fail the Buddha wisdom to know how to encourage others will well forth. Our movement of kosen-rufu is to expand this world of encouragement. "

so how deep is our bond with sensei? i rem my ywd zone chief say this very clearly:"Faith is something that belongs to you. Wadever you do or not do is not for other pple to see.. its because you feel joy doing so" so i always keep these words with me to remind myself.. Faith.. ldrs can encourage you, can keep calling you etc.. but if we alrdy thought of giving it a try or you alrdy know all that, have you done anything to ensure u grow and learn from it? ultimately it is we ourselves who choose to be encouraged by the encouragement, or we totally "shut-off" our lives from them.. likewise, bond with sensei is something that only we know.. how deep is your bond with sensei is not how pretty you made the words to be.. but wad have you done or how have you tried to show actual proof? thus, i am not a worthy disciple of sensei.. after saying so much, i just wan to say, the choice is yours.. to be happy or suffering for the rest of your lives?

updates updates!! its been a few weeks since i update.. erm.. i really have goldfish memory.. cant really rem exactly wad i've done.. but roughly.. juz had our concert.. to me, it was pretty well cuz me and gerald was in tune!! wahaha.. even though his 'dolce' doesn't sound veri 'dolce' but i still learnt alot from him.. he was talkin to this 2 violinist and the topic from age changed to their studies/results.. he told them something like this:"in gakkai, the result is not as impt. the most impt thing is you've try ur best" wow.. veri encouragin rite? den the cute tommy boy boy say :"if you try you will regret." den i was like ?? he continues :"try is different from do. you muz do your best not try.." wow! this guy is smart ar.. but his potential is not manifested in the correct direction/fully. he is musically veri inclined. he can play his cello/piano very well.. juz tt he doesn't prac faith properly.. else his music/ skills will really touch pple's heart and also contribute to kofu..

attachment reaches its final week in an blink of an eye.. seems only like last wk tt i entered e company. i've decided to stay on! this is because i feel tt i need to learn and grow more.. to polish my character and do my human revolution. of cuz i need to pray for time to do kofu as well.. i'm facing many challenges this year.. daimoku, prayers, action, advance! yi ding ke yi de..

we'll be havin our concert again on july.. i wan to get a full instrumentation at least 2 months before the concert.. am determined tt this time it will be s great victory.. and i will do a dmk chart again.. but for everyone individually.. hope i'll not disappoint all of u.. =) basically, i'm quite enjoyin my work.. but i really need more time!! and more money. no time to shop for new year or clear my hse.. so it looks like a pig sty.. well, in collaboration with pig yr mah.. haha..

will be posting some of my 'exclusive' pics next post cuz now my phone cant upload.. so look out for this space!! hehe.. i'm so excited.. are you? gotta go.. tata!!

wEiLi ^^