to start off, i would like to declare victory! because today's milk run prac we had victory! the story goes: initially NYP will have no participants except for 1.. but i chanted to the gohonzon for emergence of the Bodhisattva of the Earth.. and in the end we got 4!! yeappie!! thou its not some big achievement.. but i'm really glad.. so sorry to all, or anyone tt i've not been able to attend to personally with care.. i have not done enough.. i will do better the next time round.. realised tt being a (GOOD) trainer is not easy.. i need to strive even harder.. try not to late.. toda sensei strictly reprimanded his workers who were late for work and say it boils down to faith. these people cannot understand and will eventually slacken and disappear from the path of faith.. i muz not become pple like tt..

xin sui le.. why? not because i was rejected by any guys.. wahahhaa.. but because of some words tt my fellow supposed-to-be-comrade made.. am i really non-humanistic? how can i influence all? so sorry tt u 2 have not been contacted because i ASSUMED tt the head will call.. but she didnt.. i shldn't have assumed.. but our orchestra will not be not-humanistic.. this is something i cannot accept! if you say so, wad have you done to make changes? because SNCO shld be a part of all of us! i feel terribly disappointed.. wad can i do? been pondering wad can i do.. but, i have not taken any action.. in order to enable the orchestra to truly grow, each and every one muz grow.. and to do that, i muz grow myself, then i will be able to convince and inspire the rest.. i feel so because this is the path i choose.. well, i choose to join the band, now staying on in the orchestra.. all of you did too.. if you think u're better off joinin elsewhere, go ahead.. because the Gakkai is not a place for materialistic pple.. we do not aspire to become famous or super-good in playing.. but to really use our music, use our life, to encourage just one more person.. this is wad sensei has always been advocating.. i have to say all these here so that all of you reading can really reflect upon ourself.. "be strict to yourself, but compassionate to others." sometimes i cant do this because i am strict, i hope you can understand that i wan u to conquer your own devilish function, to grow and become truly happy.. no one can become happy be depending on others or some external factors.. but become truly happy when you have discovered your unique mission in life and also strong, unwavering faith towards the gohonzon..

i'm not very good/angelic/holy either.. i also have many many many faults.. but the most scary weakness we can have is cowardness and denial.. if we are coward, we cannot accomplish anything.. because u've alrdy built your own 'platinum' wall to your own road of happiness.. lets really be strong! we are disciples of the lion king! nothing to be scared of!! so no matter wad obstacles arises, lets dance joyfully and tell ourselves it is the time for us to transform our karma and breakthru this suffering!

something i read:"
The most respectable and noble person in the world is one with the greatest love for the people. A truly wise person is not someone who orders others to treat him or her deferentially, but someone who teaches through words and actions that each person, including his or her mother, is vitally important. The disciple here, suddenly grasping the immense warmth of his mentor's spirit must have felt he was gazing upon the sun's brilliance.

The heart of one person moves another's. A Greek philosopher teaches that hatred of language and ideas leads to hatred of humanity. (4) If your heart is closed, then the doors to other people's hearts will also shut tight. On the other hand, someone who makes all those around him or her into allies, bathing them in the sunlight of spring, as it were, will be treasured by all.
A Buddhist's way of life has to embody such clear and natural reasoning. The Buddha transmits the heart's sunlight universally to all beings.

Even when we strive to treat everyone with love and compassion, though --- since we are ordinary people --- it is only natural that we will have likes and dislikes. There is no need for us to struggle to make ourselves fond of people we find disagreeable. In our work as emissaries of the Buddha, however, we must not let our thoughts or actions be colored by any discrimination or favoritism.

Through offering sincere prayer and conducting earnest dialogue, all of you are working to open the lives of people whose hearts are closed tight like clams. Your actions are noble.

.
.
.

When we base our lives on the great wish for kosen-rufu, regarding each effort as "like dew entering the ocean, or soil being added to the earth," then our petty lesser self gives way to the greater self that shines with eternal victory. Our every effort turns into an ocean of benefit, an earth of good fortune.

I hope each of you will be confident that, just as Nichiren Daishonin promises, you have already entered this path. And that, therefore, you will treasure your heart of faith.

The "Letter to Lord Toki," while short, is pervaded with warmth. In it, we glimpse warm heart-to-heart exchange between the Daishonin and his followers. Because of their bond with the Daishonin and sense of inner security that this brought, his followers could endure ordeals and struggle with all their might for kosen-rufu.

"How can I help others experience joy? How can I help them practice in high spirits and really exert themselves?" It goes without saying that someone who gives no thought to these questions and does not respond to members' needs is not qualified to be a leader in the humane world of Buddhism.

Our practice has to be based on strong prayer for the happiness of each person. Donning Toki Jonin's robe, which was imbued with sincerity, the Daishonin, too, prayed to the Buddhist gods.

When we sincerely pray, without fail the Buddha wisdom to know how to encourage others will well forth. Our movement of kosen-rufu is to expand this world of encouragement. "

so how deep is our bond with sensei? i rem my ywd zone chief say this very clearly:"Faith is something that belongs to you. Wadever you do or not do is not for other pple to see.. its because you feel joy doing so" so i always keep these words with me to remind myself.. Faith.. ldrs can encourage you, can keep calling you etc.. but if we alrdy thought of giving it a try or you alrdy know all that, have you done anything to ensure u grow and learn from it? ultimately it is we ourselves who choose to be encouraged by the encouragement, or we totally "shut-off" our lives from them.. likewise, bond with sensei is something that only we know.. how deep is your bond with sensei is not how pretty you made the words to be.. but wad have you done or how have you tried to show actual proof? thus, i am not a worthy disciple of sensei.. after saying so much, i just wan to say, the choice is yours.. to be happy or suffering for the rest of your lives?