the past week has nothing much worth mentioning.. except the part about me and my tablet. i bought a wacom tablet!!! it was like wooh~~ XD

a big hole in my pocket.. my new expensive gadget since the PHD bought during march IT fair and since the LT that i bought 5-6 yrs ago..

but a bigger wish is to modify or get a new laptop cuz of specs issue.. this laptop aint functioning very well.. and also the dream of havin my own room and workspace.. many things has been going around and they're jus playin tai-chi themselves in my head.. and then all these will go back to the original point where my mom/dad will say the same old thing..

i wonder.. y they can say the same thing over and over again, bring up the same old topic even after many years.. i wonder..

i need to think much more, much deeper.. and i suddenly feel like my laptop. old and working beyond my means.. then i realised it was because each time things happen, the error prompts and command given to ignore and thus, it happens..

and so sunday came.. the announcement of the 'ordeal' came~~ T___T
didnt want to be the person who pulls everyone morale.. when its time to face it, one has to i think.. 11 pple reduced to 8. i really feel sad about this. is it because i am not determined enough? i didnt chant enough dmk for the success? what isit? and just when i tried so hard to convinced others, i went back to being myself and its jus like slapping my own face.

even thou the 'wonderful' thing about the organisation is everyone will forgive you or embrace you, maybe sometimes i jus need the honesty. come on! be honest with yourself. i need to be brave. to have courage is faith. this is what sensei says and yet im one who does all the talking and no action? ha. no wonder..