how do i know?

went to weiyi's hse on fri. feelin really elated and at the same time worried whether she would like us to be ther.. but i had to break down my own negativity by telling myself that my ichinen has to be so strong that i can influence her to be positive too.. then went down to tbsc for snco's comm mtg.. discussed bout our 'new' direction, plans etc.. am really not sure if this is gg to work out.. maybe due to my poor foresight of things and future.. but now muz do what i can ba..

on the way back on our vice-chief's car, she shared with me many things that enable me to reflect upon myself again. Many a times, i am really defeated by my own negativity, even though i have great hopes for others. -- self denial? then she asked me. So what to do when we do not have courage? "Manifest it out lor.. " such a simple logic but so diff to carry it out. Then she also share about the story of an eagle.. i think i am like the eagle that chose the path of death i.e. an easy life without struggles and obstacles..

then went to another new place today for my new dist plannin.. now everything is new.. so for all the places, i have to look it up the streetdirectory before i go.. had a great planning for my 'new' dist on sat.. imo it was good.. and that its really everything begin from self.

then went for morning gongyo.. not exactly went but.. at least i managed to step into the building itself before going for breakfast with the rest.. --" but its an effort ok~ =P GD was away, to jakarta, i heard.. zhen shi xin ku ning le!

when people ask me 'how do you know?' actually i myself also dunno how do i know.. its juz like a direct reason and answer to me.. hmmm.. alot of questions in my mind.. at the same time i dunno how to get the answers.. thru prayers? but it is still not clear enough.. hmmm.. *pulls hair* y canon? y not bomb or tank or anything? and nothing decent ever seems to be spoken.. :S after much thoughts, i came to realise that it is still myself.. maybe this is the answer that gohonzon is telling me ba.. but i muz not be defeated by myself first, else everything that i wan to do will go to naught.

went for the first ghz enshrinement for my new dist.. really have to learn to be more tactful, more humble, more.. refined? ahahaha.. am very happy! then rushed down to bishan for a homevisit wher i only stayed like 10 mins ther.. :S then had a short and repeatative and .. i-dunno-what dialogue at the void deck.. sigh.. work is to be done.. not spoken ya?

feeling like a old person recently.. here pain there pain, everywhere pain pain.. back pain, neck pain now my knees hurt.. sometimes my brain also hurt.. aiyo.. my cells age so fast ar.. hai.. did i choose to be born in this situation? sometimes i wonder.. '.. i wonder how, i wonder why, yesterday you told me bout the blue blue sky...


and all that i can see, is just a yellow lemon tree.'

jiu shi zhe yang le.. jia you again ba.. =)


Games for Food!

Fight World Hunger

all the small talks.