为什么爱从来不来到我身边，应该是我的问题吧。。: this will not be stuffs that i will normally say because i do not want to become self-centered and shallow minded.


i guess that incident(nth to do with BGR) has made me ponder on alot of things..

on my ability as a leader,
my determination,
me being true to myself.


this is the time when i felt like i jus bang my head on the wall to know that it is solid hard.
as said, the time has come where the result has hit me hard on the face(twice) and it is up to me whether i want to fight against and win or remain the same.


i want to be true to myself.


i know who are my comrades without words spoken. i will continue to fight as i promised. things has shown how 'great' our efforts are. so i shall not elaborate or twist and turn to make it sound nicer and comforting. it hurts so much to be singing "vow to sensei" when i did not fulfill it.
Sensei, i've let you down! am not worthy to be your disciple till i achieve absolute victory!


i will hold firm to my beliefs.




likewise, i will stop deceiving myself by thinking that you like me when in fact your actions is telling me that it is not. :P my antenna is short. sorry if i have created trouble or have been a nuisance. i will be clear and stop dropping hints.




my life now is for my mentor, my members and my dear family who has been holding on for so long. we muz change this and transform where we are to the Buddha land.

i need another 50% to explode. will it or will not, i mus strengthen myself so strong so that 1 week later when we have the review, i will be able to share my thoughts exactly and not be emotional.

Toda sensei says :"Your personal emotion as compared to the universe is only as tiny as a speck of dust."