My wOrLd..

我，不完美

2011-02-20T23:41:00.003+08:00

Perfect - Simple Plan

Pink - F**king Perfec

Hello "兔" 2011!

2011-02-05T01:12:00.002+08:00

Finally 2011!!

why am i excited for the fact that we are in 2011? jus a very lame reason that its the Rabbit's year of the Chinese Zodiac; because I was born in the year of this zodiac animal two cycles ago..

and so, i leaked my own age ya...

its been some while since i blogged. the last time was 5 months ago!! and since then, many things happened and it certainly added some spices to my life.

i left my job of 3 years(may 2007 - aug 2010) and found a new job 1 month later in an industry that i probably would not expect myself to be in.. <>

call me dumb or pure, but i truted my comrade who told me that this was a great 'offer' not to be missed. and being me, i jus tooked it up..

many 'first time' within that 5 months of mine.. and now that i blogged about it, i dunno where to start!

oh my.. i seriously need to start doing stuffs that i need to do.. have been procrastinating way too much! (like installing printer. :O)

and so, i did a lil revamp of my workspace to make myself a lil happier..

but.. my almost-dying-6-years-old compact computer doesnt allow me to get photos from my iphone.. hmmmm..

mmm..

mmmmm..

ANYWAY, this is MY year and im supposed to set some really awesome resolution! but im still having my plans changed here and there.. and plans being plans, i have not done anything about them yet..

the past 4 months has been a great, great period of training for me.. thou not enough but i have experience quite a ot of stuff that is making me do my personal human revolution.. and now i have seen some of them, i need to change the negative ones and tap on the positive ones.. easier said than done. the most difficult obstacle is getting over myself.. ironic isnt it?

i always thought i was a simple-minded person. but recently i realised im not. if i modulate my way of thinking against most people, i think of too many unseen possibilities.. it was only because i lived each day as it is and didnt make plans for the future thus seeing myself as 'simple minded'.. hard truth it is..

thus in this new year, nono, this upcoming 11 months i must work hard towards the next few years "so as to achieve peace, happiness and prosperity for the nation." Jia You!

hysteria

2010-08-02T15:05:00.002+08:00

inspired from Yoga's song

back to school

2010-08-02T14:40:00.002+08:00

supposedly today..

some of my colleagues were shocked to see me still in school.. they asked "can't bear to leave ar?" "came back to pack ur stuffs?"

since the day that email was sent out, people around were asking me why and when i was leaving.. after which there were some changes in my plan and the asking didnt help me at all.. even more so when i felt it was too troublesome to explain, i just told a lie. yeah, i lied.

a lie to cover my uneasiness? because i was still not sure.. im stopping myself by thinking alot.

even though i remembered words from the NHR saying 'there is no great victories without the accumulation of small victories.' and 'appearance does not matter as long as he achieve victory in the end.' but i guess, im jus not living it up.

perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.. i do not wish to disappoint everyone..

ARGH!

may i have your order?

2010-07-15T16:10:00.002+08:00

erm..

anything la.

will do.

is what i had in mind regarding my future path.

i had always DREAMED of working in the creative line.. and DREAMED is the keyword. because i have never placed much effort. so now, I really need to think hard how i am going to dictate my own life.

all thanks to my sis and bro-in-law.

they were strict to me.. and spotted the most important weakness hidden within the deepest part of me.

so, after so long, i tried to reflect about my attitude and way of living ever since.

i am one who likes to run away.. and now i do not want to accept any suggestion as a solution or even worse, choose the easy way out.

Feeling really very tired. from the routine stuffs all along.. and when the offer came, i was really happy. In fact i would really love to go back to study but there muz be a deeper reason behind my rationale in order for me to breakthrough of this fundamental darkness.

I understand that to show actual proof, it is not enough to just be active in the organization by participating in activities. I must also win in my personal life as member of the society. It will be very difficult hence I muz be determined to stick through whatever path I have chosen. Since I had decided to work for kosen-rufu with whatever talent and mission I have.

One more day. NMHRGK

向前衝, 衝! 衝! 衝!

2010-07-05T15:39:00.001+08:00

heard abit of this song on the radio.. then caught it again on the web. listen to it:

常常发呆想着未来的
路该怎麽样走下去
外面阳光普照内心却
是暗无天日乌云密佈
听说成功是给有准备的
人你心裡一定会说NO
总是羡慕身旁经过的朋友

向前冲向前冲忘记背后向前冲
想像自己是个无敌的超人
向前冲向前冲看着标竿向前冲
成功的那一刻音乐会响起

呼喊着呼喊着你
心中的超能力超能力
记得用你最帅的姿势
勇敢击败生活中迎面而来的恶魔

常常想着别人为什麽能轻鬆就达成梦想
只好安慰自己少年得
志绝对不会有好下场
曾经有人说过知足常乐幸福就围绕身旁
打开心灵的窗你会看见阳光

向前冲向前冲忘记背后向前冲
想像自己是个无敌的超人
向前冲向前冲看着标竿向前冲
成功的那一刻音乐会响起

呼喊着呼喊着你
心中的超能力超能力
记得用你最帅的姿势
勇敢接受所有的挑战
跌倒了跌倒了没关
係再爬起来再爬起来
现在就要开始各就各位
我们就要一飞冲天大声喊YEAH

向前冲向前冲忘记背后向前冲
想像自己是个无敌的超人
向前冲向前冲看着标竿向前冲
成功的那一刻音乐会响起

向前冲向前冲忘记背后向前冲
想像自己是个无敌的超人
向前冲向前冲看着标竿向前冲
成功的那一刻音乐会响起
成功的那一刻音乐会响起

现在张开双手好好感受身边所有的奇蹟
就会发现路人甲乙丙
丁都是你专属的天使
用最甜的微笑欣赏生
命走过的每一道风景
你会发现世界真的很美丽

what should i do?

2010-07-05T15:34:00.001+08:00

this is too mystical!!

i chanted to have them called me if it was really meant to be for me to study there..

and jus now the lady called me!! and i do not have to attend the workshop. isit because they have too many empty slots?

nothing happened for a coincidence right? what should i do? (ho do ga jo?)

i have too much considerations in my head.. OMG~

I'm a Cyborg.

2010-06-13T08:21:00.001+08:00

Preferred SMS than calls,
Addicted to MP3.

Lost my mind..

2010-06-04T18:00:00.001+08:00

Oh man.. It's been some time since I update my blog w text. The past week (or weeks) has been a great ordeal for me.

Although I'm still going through it now… …

Monday was e start of sch holidays. And thus began ah tu's habit of sleeping late. It's such a bad thing! I know.. And I need to be more disciplined. Tuesday, went to expo w my colleague. And I skipped work halfway to do tt. We walked in the JL fair, queued for an hour for the C&KS fair. Both of us were playing this coin dozer game while waiting and in the end we left. Like very eng rite? Last stop was e food fair. we walked ard, tasted some samples and I bought bak kua. Then we walked ard wanting to look for snacks to eat. Then, I GASPED. and realised I lost my bag of bak kua!

忙碌超人

2010-05-18T15:51:00.001+08:00

are you busy?

then you should listen to this song!

歌词：Magic Power-忙碌超人

你又在忙什么你又在赶什么
时间永远不够用
Maybe just take it easy
Just take it easy

Ma de Ma de 你又急着去哪边
话都还没说完人就不见
你还真的是一刻不得闲
又是哪个单位需要支持

Ma de 我觉得你好面熟
你该不会是那个
没错就是我busy man
我的任务就是拯救世界

告辞
我下午四点要开会
六点还要跟客户见面
三支手机加起来
要回call三十通未接来电
大家都佩服我的体力
为了生活我也是不得已
谁叫我是Busy Man
翻成中文要怎么念
忙碌超人
什么叫做超人
就是超级卖力的人
忙起来可是六亲不认
我的评价只有一句”你好神”

Oh Oh 神人觉得累了
Oh Oh 又有任务等我完成
每天忙着救人
其实我只想要一个平凡的身分

最近突然发现
我不是唯一的Busy Man
从幼儿园到成年这种人越来越普遍
妈妈说要赢在起跑点
能补就是福再多补一点点
从小补到大都还不是很会
谁知道就要进入了社会
妈妈其实也很可怜
每天要接你上下学
三餐给你吃大补帖
有事没事还要被顶嘴

Busy Man and Busy Mama
你们的生活都太过紧张
给自己放个假
跟MP老师一起说
Wu Sa Wu Sa
这个吐吶的动作重复五遍
是不是感觉好一些
累到抓狂的时候就照着念
现代人的生活都快要把自己逼疯
你们真的都需要一点时间Relax

Ma de Ma de又再忙什么
Ma de Ma de又再赶什么

photos!

2010-04-28T08:38:00.007+08:00

ok... and so i've got a iphone. its camera is not tt fantastic with a 2/3 mp lens in comparison to my old Nokia phone which has a 3.2 mp lens(but it had a focus function which works very well even for text).

but im not a professional photographer. i only like to capture things tt appear nice and beautiful to me. of cuz still not quite used to touch screen so its abit of trial-and-error when it comes to 'zi-pai'.

and so, went to the new bridge last weekend. it looks quite cool but other than that, i guess i wont be using it as a real means to get to the destination. (Marina IR) my friends and i were just there to check it out!

the sky otw to the new bridge

the lighted ferris wheel!

color-changing tiles which kids were jumping on!

some character design on the ground. it looks cute so i jus took it down.

friends~

and then, this was the sky ard my school at about 5 plus in the evening yesterday. Cool eh?

Point form

2010-04-27T18:11:00.001+08:00

Was on way to HQ, already at the busstop.

Bumped into colleague.

Missed two bus, waited for 8 mins till e next one.

Boarded it. Dug for my wallet -- it's NOT THERE!

Colleague went up e bus. Brain was jammed -- continue ride or go back?

Went to her n borrowed 90 cents.

Alighted at e next stop and walked back towards school.

Called colleague to take my wallet. Too shy to go back?

Waited. Got wallet from e other colleague. They went off in a oncoming cab.

Relieved. And walked back to e bus stop while gettin an iced drink midway.

Waited for bus. Finally board and paid for e ride.

GOSH.

P.s: I still headed to HQ cuz I had to collect something else I would be heading for home alrdy.

And it seems tt everytime I wanted to go for chanting there seems to be some obstacle. The biggest one being inside me. :S

In between..

2010-04-06T17:16:00.001+08:00

Am always trying to find a middle point or think of two possible extremes to leave some space for me to expand my thoughts.

Or so I thought it was. But I guess this kind of characteristics is not suitable for a designer because they'd need to know wad they want to create.

So.. I missed the deadline. I wasn't sure. I was too reluctant to put in efforts. I didn't knownif it was the right path to go so I created a lump and lists of excuses for myself.

Sh*t person you are. Heh.

I'm kinda stucked. Or rather, I'm sure.

It's funny when e SSSM knows me more than I do myself.

its fine..

2010-04-05T11:54:00.001+08:00

if i had some directions..

but now i dont really know where i should/ want to head towards..

你是职业梦想家吗？

2010-03-23T15:26:00.002+08:00

this was the title of a particular article in a book i saw in popular..

flipped to that page and i started reading..

and the conclusion is.. a 职业梦想家 is someone who just dreams about his/her dreams but never took action to realise it.

and it sort of hit on me that "YOU ARE THIS KIND OF PERSON!"

alright i am.

because.. the one who passionately declared to start studying is now havin second thoughts when obstacles comes running.. obstacles both within and without.. i am feeling the courage diminishing moment by moment.

and to top it off, i really feel frustrated and strange at the behavior of certain people.. ya, CERTAIN people. call me low life for now. because the reason behind their behavior is really absurd la. sighs.. is this really my karma?

i lost the vigor to focus on anything now already.. ARH~!!!!

Retake, reconsider?

2010-03-19T13:49:00.001+08:00

Interview ended.. Result was given out like "idol" series. All accepted applicants will be given a piece of yellow paper if they succeed..

As HL mentioned.. Am I thinking hard enough? Am I workin hard?

Haizz.. Am startin to reconsider if I'm really going into this. Can't help but say D*mn it! Why am I saying all these. Anwy portfolio was almost a breeze. It's time to really put my all.

I don't wan to be negative or demoralizing myself. So.. Will buy myself a cup of pao pao cha and continue moving on!

Sensei I will work hard!

A new hangout

2010-03-17T17:32:00.001+08:00

...place has been found! It was always there but I only discovered it; or only bothered to walk over today because I saw my favourite magazine on the racks..

Took leave to "rush" my portfolio.. "rush" because I don't really feel e rush leh.. I've mixed feeling..

Thinking.. Maybe I like beautiful and creative products.. But making/creating them is another story..

I was never creative. Since young.

So how wouldni be able to be more creative? My brain is more like a piece of wood lor..

I'm afraid I'd look stupid infront of others.. Afraid tt my ideas won't be accepted. Afraid to make changes.. Jus a fraud because things have always been so li2 shuo3 dang1 ran2 for me.

Anw, I thought tt since it's a school, they wouldn't look at me differently because I'm ready to learn! YEAH! precisely cuz I was never experience in such stuffs, jus going ahead wud do some good for me.

OK. I've gone off-topic. So today I went to BBC. which will be my new oftenly-frequent place instead of SLS. and I discovered this shop. It is a shop selling books, mags and stuffs related to art and graphics. Only stayed there for a while and I spent bout $60+. fairly reasonable as the original price of the mags r a few bucks higher and I also bought a book that I saw online..

New purchase, new start. Let's go!!

The show

2010-03-16T08:32:00.002+08:00

Heard it was great from anyone tt watched it.

I Wanna Watch It too!!!

I think I will also cry.. Looking at my beloved cast putting their best. I wan to see it too! Where they put it their all with great seriousness.

But jus two weekend has truly worn me out. I know, I'm useless cuz I didn't do anything much. It's jus tt we went home very late then had to report very early e next day too.. And 75% of e journey to-and-fro was by cab..

But this involvement has made me feel the warmth of my comrades and the soka spirit again! even though there are 'lousy' people to work with, i m glad my 'ah tao' is people i can follow. because im still such a young sprout. i muz work harder and become even more capable! neglecting my yongsha and cultural group side but till i can manage all.. pls give me some time.
after all these(and it was a friend who enlightened me), I can feel my good fortune comin!! I gotten a 1-1 exchange for my phone.. Maybe I shldnt be so sad over e masking.. "Goodbye my love.. Wo de Gmask.. Zai Jian.. "

And this week happens to be e school holiday. So somehow I can slack a lil.. But still lots of work to complete.. I feel stressd. But never will be more than e lethagic I am feeling now.

Even thou I hasn't start on my ---------. Yes you guessed it.

im feelin real tired. both physically and mentally. dont feel very focused too. even though im super anxious but why am i not taking action? ARGH.. pls.. start to have inspiration and do something!!

and i realised. maybe this was what i wanted? im being ignored. hah.. i dont want to think about it.. i want to move on.. move on without my gmask.. XD

i think i love my 1st iphone much more than the 2nd.. maybe im tired.. of cycles..

down on luck..

2010-03-12T15:45:00.002+08:00

im down on luck man! not 'down with love' at all.. ggrrr..

why am i being so careless and blur and losing memory of everything and now i dropped my phone?!

first i dropped my nokia phone. then i lost the tickets.. and now i dropped my iphone and the screen jus went blank lor.. all the best man..

i tried all the solutions online and now im left with the last two option:
1. sync with iTunes and hoping that i can RESET the phone.
2. send to SH for a repair/one-to-one exchange.

arh!! not to mention the haze from the bush fire is adding on to my 'fire' too..

argh.. im jus not in the right condition to be able to handle all these right now.. too low a life condition already.. am i not up to standard? is this all i can do? argh.. i am feeling very pekcheck now. go away. dont talk to me.

kan chiong spider

2010-03-05T09:01:00.002+08:00

is very kan chiong because i only have 14 days.. and i hasnt started! OMG~ wanna cry alrdy. i really need to start! but the worst is still not knowing my own strengths.. even after seeking advice from my friends, im still clueless in coming up with something decent to present. :S HOW~

and thinking about myself, hmmm...

i dun have much strength!? this is quite sad. i didnt focus on developing myself.. that must be why.

and now, i think i shld start cracking then write a block of rubbish on the blog huh..?

First mobile posting..

2010-02-26T23:22:00.001+08:00

I hope my first bill after change of sub plan won't be too scary!

the weekends..

2010-02-22T11:44:00.002+08:00

was spent mostly at HQ for the past and future few weeks.. helping out doing the misc work as an admin ic..

but i guess im still not well trained enough.. to be able to answer to my missing casts, be clear of their scenes, costumes, schedules, etc and etc..

but the last 2 days really drained the energy out of me.. not because it was tiring, but because i didnt 'recharge' my battery as often as i recharge my iphone.. ya i got an iphone. nth to be excited about since e one i got is the older version with smaller capacity and bundled w the cheapest plan.. haha.. jus for the fun of it. i hope it can allow me to be more organised, up to date and aware of the latest technology i guess.. i a small step towards the use of apple products! and im jus feel puzzled as to why my sis is upset/angry/unhappy about me getting an iphone. sighs..

my mind is so tired tt im not sure wad i shld type. but i muz really buck up of chanting n reading.. always saying and not doing is so useless of me. 19 more days to the musical.. :S please really chant for the success of this musical and all the cast to realise their mission and be closer to sensei and the organisation..

hanging.. in the air

2010-02-04T09:13:00.003+08:00

i feel like im either dangling from somewhere, or alone in a island in the middle of nowhere.
suddenly am feeling so empty, not knowing what work i should do. I should have alot to do.. maybe i should do them later. memory is getting bad, cant remember what i want to say in an instant. i have the 'words stuck in my brain but i cant get it out' feeling.. maybe i've been drifting too much and not bring focus in what im doing..

jus setup an account to edit and create website online. Its a made simple application for people to be able to build a website very quickly. of course the cons is you will have the domain and the blahs inside the supposedly-unique URL. and because of this, i feel the irony of me using it as a multimedia student and artist resorting to this sort of technology to do my own website. i should be able to, having learnt so much. but where is my skills and talent?

i need wisdom, wisdom!! as well as more inspiration and ideas. i think i've gotten too tired now.. feel like taking a good rest... but in fact im not so drained or working as hard as some people out there so it just means that i've reached my capacity.. argh..

perhaps im typing too much in my own perspective.. no content so self-centered will be of use and interest to any other person. hmmm.. lemme think about this.. :D

and oh btw, my chpt is coming back to town! i've been thinking about this. if we wasnt in the same chapter, perhaps i wouldnt care so much.. this is bad huh, humans.

A quick post

2010-02-03T09:55:00.002+08:00

to vent out my frustration!

i keep sending empty msges or incomplete or typo msges!! argh! so pissed with myself and the phone!

i need a new phone! but no time to get it now.. because i'd need to import contacts and the blah blahs.. plus my sis say it'd be cheaper to get it after the CNY. argh. the buttons are getting on my nerves. my fingers better work according to my brains and dun stray!! RAWR~

and when you are stucked in a situation where you cant move forward nor retreat, it means you are at ur limit and you need to E-X-P-A-N-D your capabilities to be able to rise up to the challenge. everything is a training for the future. i muz work harder and harder. "dun be lazy!"

its not that good afterall

2010-01-28T13:27:00.002+08:00

i guess im bad at making decisions and choices..

went to sim lim yesterday and i changed my laptop's ROM. purchased a 500BG harddisk and a mp3 for the first time.(the previous 2 were gifts some years back)

my friend joined me in the end cuz she wanted to get a new workstation.. so we went to a few shops to check out their desktops and notebooks. even thou im supposed to be a geek, i really dun know much about hardware, their specifications, brands and etc. i feel so lousy.

anw it was meant to be a market survey trip for this friend of mine. her loot of the day was jus some pamphlets and flyers. :S hopefully i helped her by abit; with the printer issue or something.. heehee.

then last stop was to the mp3 shop. most of the shops were closing so we went down to level 2 where most of the shops are open and i jus randomly chose a shop that i deemed 'decent'. anyway, i was quite determine to want to get an mp3. so that i can listen to music on the journey now that my Nokia has 'R.I.Ped'.

- skip the long story -
and finally i ended with a samsung. old model but it was sleek. and i read the review only as im blogging now and i realised it wasnt tt good for its functions. :( urgh. i muz physco myself that it is good and thats it. even thou im a geek but im not using i-products or any of the latest technology available. hmmm..

so if u wanna take a look at my nice and sleek mp4, ask me for it! :D

the CNY preparation..

2010-01-27T10:06:00.002+08:00

actually was nothing much, really..

i got my pay ytd and was jus fusing over how i should use the money to 'upgrade' my gadgets and stuffs. a geek is not a geek without her gadgets and tools. XD

ytd met with wf to talk abt snco. no matter it was late or not, i really appreciate hers and others' efforts in making all these important seemingly-insignificant efforts behind the scenes. like the underlying waves that will stir a big deal when the time is right! ;)

i was really feeling guilty and lousy because i am supposedly a chapter leader. and yet im still lacking of wisdom and depth and character and experience.

since i've decided that i'd do something(anything, jus something) at the start of this year and also to stop making too many unnecessary considerations, i guess yesterday's talk was another reminder for me to do just that.

yes i need to breakthru this constrain. im a creative ya 'know~!

so after the dialogue, i went to meet my sis.. she said she had a voucher to collect and it has to be at tamp. so i met her there and jus outside the linkway between Tm and Cs, i saw my zaza! and she seemed so shocked and hugged me tight. ohwells, but im happy that she treasure me so. haha.. can i say that it means like this?

yup and shoe hunting begans at that particular shop. after all the mess i made out of myself while trying the shoes, my sis say she didnt see anything tt she fancy. and so i bought a pair and got a $5 discount! better than nothing.. haha..

then we went shopping for clothes and stuffs. in the end, i bought a vest and a 'jacket' for decoration. yay~ im all ready for the switch to school.. hahaha..

and so, i suddenly realised that this year i get to keep my workspace at home without clearing it like previous years for the reunion dinner cuz we're eating out! woohoo~ for both reasons i think.. its a first for the families so i really want it to turn out well. and for being able to keep my workspace messy as it is. i really wanted a personal space but i have to train myself to be able to work in the worst situations. i can do it!

the trip back..

2010-01-26T09:48:00.002+08:00

went for SD kenshu prep ytd. i was asked to help out by our dearest wong lee.. so i thought maybe i shld go back see see look look and contribute.

and so, i realised it has been so long since i grad and now there are so many new faces in the SD.. well, this should be the way since there are grads and freshies entering to the diffferent institutes every year.

and so, the alumnis were tasked to help with log and backstage.

i really dun mind running around and doin all the support work as long as i can be of help and it is a contribution in running the kenshu. but i jus felt that there wasnt anyone who was familiar with the technical details. maybe i was too concerned about it. and i guess it has always been the way SD has been. maybe i think too much. but being me, i cant help but worry and think about the many 'IFs' if it were to appear along the way. i didnt want to take chances. i wanted a confident and sure arrangement for all the things.

but i am also glad to see leaders who put themselves to task and would not snatch the limelight of standing in front. well, im glad i can learn from such people.

its a time for me to seek and do my HR again, definitely. well, lets jus make the most out of this!

sustaining faith

2010-01-20T08:34:00.002+08:00

we are almost done with our rounds of homevisits. i didnt make it for some of the ymds and for xc i only spoke with her like on the way from a discussion to the train station.

and so, ytd we went to yl's place. maybe it was the presence of my ymds counterpart. she asked a question about sustaining faith and how does one continue to go for kosen-rufu activities sincerely when one's life condition is low or already worn out by our own personal things? i am learning alot from them. parts that i dont possess.

i also dunno. thats why i want to find out. being emo doesnt help at all. no matter what, i'll stop thinking of finding out how to climb back in the midst of LLC. i guess i cant do it like sensei. achieving even greater heights each time.

and so, ytd attended lecturer's study. they dun have my name! erm... so it means i dun have to join in for further sessions? hmmm.. :/

saw a few weary faces. i wonder why?

then my WD had a friend who could give a ride back to tomato. and so i followed. little did i know that she was the mother of a YWD i 'took care' of in SD days. and her dad knows my sis! small world. and i didnt recognise them. was feeling quite bad that i didnt do my best to encourage her daughter back then. i didnt do enough.. but she will be alright with such parents. i want to keep in touch with her. thats what i thought. really.

wisdom and courage

2010-01-16T21:44:00.003+08:00

lemme blog a quick post before heading to my manga. :P

today was the day or probably friday WAS the day where i finally took some action for a dream that i wanted to realise long ago.. and i was glad i had hor hor to accompany me. even thou she was almost 2 hours late. tch!

the first stop was quite disappointing and energy draining. at first i wanted to walk around then i realised some levels of the building was locked and we can only visit if we join the guided tour. didnt manage to see anything much nor get any useful information. gotta go thru the pamphlets again.

the second stop was somewhat more reassuring.. the environment was nice. but at the same time it gave me tremendous stress because i wasnt sure if i could cope. anyway, i didnt want to waste the efforts of my friend who came to accompany me so i summon all the courage and went to check out the details and even did the application! (cuz its free) and oh, its such a coincidence that i saw my senior there. she prob forgot my name but i still rem hers and what instrument she play. hahaha..

so it was something unexpected or shld i say i didnt put in effort to think about it. and now i have two impt dates for me to take action till then: 21 Jan and 19 March.

im really nervous and unsure.. but i've thought that nothing will happen if i act so cowardly always. i'll just do my best. if it is what im supposed to, definitely i'll be able to see things coming and happening.

and because i wanted to take action more than sitting there and think like what i've been doing for the past years, i started reading the NHR.. vol 14 chpt 1 titled 'Wisdom and Courage'. chose this because this are the two qualities i need to polish urgently. and in it sensei wrote about the student protest and mostly on student division. of course the content is not only relevant to students. so i wanted to summon my wisdom and courage too. to fight my best no matter what and im trying hard not to doubt my own innate potential. so my friends, just put in your best and you might see wonderful and painful things as well which will create a strong innate self. ok im tired so cant be bothered to write my sentences properly.

Wisdom and Courage. Gambatte!

flustered..

2010-01-12T15:05:00.002+08:00

because this weekend is it!

the open house for the academy! i jus visited the website and suddenly i got very... yes, flustered.
i actually dont qualify for the application. and also i've been thinkin whether i should go for it because it will be the equivalent certification as the one i already have. plus this is going to be a career where i have to work really hard.. im not talented after all..

im nervous.. i dont think i can find anyone to go with me anyways so thats why im even more nervous.. *bites*

going to cry~ T__T

ah tu photography

2010-01-11T16:58:00.002+08:00

photos taken with my old samsung 1.3mgp
i was just trying to capture the beautiful moment i saw at that moment.

grooming?

2010-01-11T15:36:00.003+08:00

11th day of the new year, 6th work day, 2nd working week..

i need grooming! and of cuz many other materials needs and wants. needs is because i need it so that i can pursue what i intend to. wants is to satisy my emotional needs so that i can continue in my physical struggle.

hehehe.. and i am ashamed. even thou people might tell me not to.

ashamed because im supposedly suppose to possess higher level of understanding and practice of this philosophy/religion im in, thus living a happy life. but it seems not that case. i think i've been doing it wrongly.

i need more struggles.

being a human is such a headache. ouch.

im sick. in the mind for doubting my own innate abilities. (there is really such an illness, i read it!)

i really hate myself for being like this. i have good comrades. but why is my heart and mind so unpure? i think this is the 'residue' that keeps surfacing each time i try to do something to win in my life.

sidetrack: even though i thought i can forget about it, why do i feel strange each time? this is troubling. its because of my character that i feel troubled. sensei~ i cant put ur words into practice. im not a worthy disciple..

an update

2009-12-29T23:15:00.002+08:00

woo~ it seems like i've not been updating the blog for awhile. maybe because i was busy clearing my last min work. :P

anw, i have been feeling as if the rock in my head and my heart has been lifted for the past few days. read my past articles and you will feel how low i was feeling.

i dunno if the change was due to daimoku, due to dialogues with others, due to encouragements, due to ichinen or due to magic..?

maybe it was right to decide that i'd fall to hell to experience what it is. although i hasnt been there, but i think its enough for now. ;) jus in case i'd take longer to get up and then i would have brought trouble to others and delay the delivery of happiness.

perhaps, i've brought myself so much unhappiness that i thought it wasnt worth it. so now, i must work hard to maintain this liveliness and ensure that i will not trouble others. at least, at least, i've a small goal of my own to achieve. and thru all these, i realised my life was too smooth. at least i've made it seem so smooth! hehe.. so i'd really like to look at it in a different perspective.

i will not attempt to go to 'hell' again but instead, i want to be able to get at least a taste of it when i am doing my rounds. no big words, no big dreams but its a step ahead at a time.

and so im 'activated' -- then i initiated a meetup with my counterparts. they're great people and i've learnt alot from them. alot from their spirit, from the way they are, from the way this practice has enabled them to be the best they can be. although i am still pondering why i cant be the way i was a few yrs before, i'm convinced that things will not go back to the way it was because it'll definitely result in something thats even better!

because i've great comrades who've supported me in the past 2 years, i mus not give up too. because i've lives yet to touched, i will continue. do what you need to do is the most impt. dun think too much and yet, ponder deeply! :D

inside war

2009-12-16T15:04:00.002+08:00

my phone dropped and now it is a lil cranky after it shut down by itself after all energy were depleted and when i switch it on again, it blinked and couldnt show me the startup screen. now i see the startup screen, i couldnt do anything else like checking the contacts or loading the gallery.. ARGH.. i really dun wan to get a new phone at this point in time.

and so, ytd i had my company dd.. the theme was 'star night' where we have to dress as our idols or famous stars. my friend went as ugly betty and i jus went as.. myself? haha.. im sure and glad i wasnt alone. some pple went in jersey and jeans lor. AW! and man, i was surprised people went renting costumes and we have supergirl, superman, pirates and zena.

and as i wished it to be, i was not attracting any attention at all. (yeah~) but at the same time, the prized ignored me too. =( we had 15 consolation prizes, ipod touch, camera and iphone!! all went out of my sight. instead my friend who won prizes last yr, got it this yr too.. anw, i was jus glad i wasnt alone.. had alot of fun laughin at others instead. :P

and i think it was the red wine really(the not nice, no taste wine).. i had a terrible itch in the middle of the night. and my mom had to scare me by applying some anti-itch cream which contains mint and it really startled me cuz i was still 'unconscious'. YAWNZ.

and then, work had to resume the next day.. it was still a weekday and i rec a very depressing email.. and perhaps i am really not that strong within or without. i am very much affected by it. but still, the work is there for me to do and is DDAMF one.. SAD........ i hope i can get everything complete correctly and timely.. things really have change and perhaps as my friend say, its gonna change drastically.(although i hope it wont)

disorganised.

2009-12-03T15:12:00.002+08:00

was just busying doing up guidances, printing them, testing size. OOPS! wrong size. adjust, finaly print, color print, cut-out, stick and ta-da!! its done. im pretty fast.

and suddenly i felt lost. whats next?

oh man. i really feel like i have lived a quarter of a century on earth but has the body of a old women. *sighs*

had alot of work to do.. its true! its just that i've been procrastinating and many many other distractions in the office.

took a day off yesterday. planned to do some spring cleaning cuz the stuffs has been piling up. interestingly, i read this comic titled 'Switch Girl' and was just thinking how i might just be one. thou there isnt any handsome male lead in my version. :P

and so, to continue, my day off was practically cut by half due to sleep. i know.. "you're such a ^(^@@^)^" muz be what you're thinking right? anw, i was really tired and then i had my lunch and starting to clean up here and there. and FFPRTISS, my mom was pissed with me for the entire day and also she threw me two boxes of my possession from centuries ago.

i dug inside and found stuffs from my pri sch times, or even younger. really, those were memories. but there is no point in keeping all those stuffs because i can never use them again. and yea, their destiny into the dustbin. OFF YOU GO! was what i said in my mind. the 2nd box, was a box of my furry friends and a few pieces of costumes and props from YCF & NDP. so bag by bag i 'released' my friends.. i was surprised to find that i actually owned a saxophone playing santa. (with music!) i completely forgot bout it. and many other toys that were given to me. (ahem ahem.) and of cuz, quite alot of stuffs that 'it' gave me. i threw most of them away. i know im realistic. because i kept a pair of tatty bear(they're expensive) and a mug which i washed and intend to use. i think i was a lil mad when i was throwing all my old stuffs away, constantly mumbling to myself. scary eh? anw, there wasnt any feelings to the stuffs and the sender in particular.

then i found a box which i could stuff my received cards and letter from kalpas. kalpas because it has been a while since i received snail mails and maybe the next time i feel friendless, i can jus take out the box and think of my friends. :D (gone crazy x 2)

and then, i realised that most of my gifts were from guys. SAD~~ i have no female friends.. maybe guys really go all out when they have a target. i was just thinking. how was the me then? why didnt i accept anyone of them? i guess they're not bad guys.. they're really not. its just that i was afraid. shhh.. this is my secret. so i cant really tell you why. but i have my reasons behind.. and i guess its good that way.

and i only managed to clear that two boxes and already TBLTH. nose was running and i couldnt carry on. nothing much was done actually.. i think have to spend another 2 or 3 days to clear it up. my brain too. maybe got to reformat and install some anti-virus so that it will work really fine in 2010. :P

jus do something. dun think so much. :D

phase 1 over!

2009-11-30T15:03:00.002+08:00

its monday!

before you proceed, note: this post is a lil random. you might not understand what im trying to say because even i do not understand.

bookfair duty @ SSA HQ finally over.. past few days were so exhausted. slept earliest 1am on the average. the comm came tgt on wed and thurs to check the goods and last stock check. then set up on thurs night and duty on fri - sun. (i was one of those who went three days.)

the response in general wasnt very good. was it because the crowd swarmed to sitex? hahaha.. for our side, out of 3 souvenirs that we came out, 2 were sold out completely, 1 of them by the first day. we didnt set a huge quantity and i think the members helped us by spreading the word to the rest. well, very happy that we're receiving feedbacks for the creative and innovative idea. :D i wasnt part of the actual designing process but really learnt and see alot during the process.

this duty brings back memories.. of the times doing sales along orchard road and also when i was still a younger ywd helping out in the organisation.. maybe this was an answer to my prayer to 'go back to my initial starting point'.. the actions and thoughts and dialogues with some senior leaders also make me think again about the view some people have on SL. the SL that i encountered are doing what is called 'doing the Buddha's work'. protecting the members and organisation is the most impt. i guess i became a coward when things grew tough and was also not wise enough to see clearly. i also saw that everyone's character and thinking is different but being able to work together, tolerating, coordinating with one another makes me really think deeper and even more to want to be myself so that i can manifest the most and achieve my HR. i am who i am. for many things i may not explain but if u truly understand me, you will know why i did this or did that. wow.. this is like an expedition trip man.. and here i am writing a review of the trip.

and have been thinking alot, though i hasnt been doing alot. :P

have u watched twilight? i didnt catch the first one before. was quite disappointing for me. there was this ending that wasnt considered an ending because it'll definitely lead to a 3rd show.

after so many years in the Gakkai, i wondered if i've grown compared to the past. or am i still the same? no longer want to compare myself with anyone. i just want to be like the old me who always remembers Toda sensei's words to Shin'ichi to "build the kind of Gakkai that you want to see". Right now, there are just too many things for me to cope but the best way is to do it one by one. Else i'll always be doing the same things. Like usual, i need to chant to expand my life. to read alot, share alot and chant alot. (adapted from Carebears. :D)

i've met a friend who have ideals very similar to our Buddhism. although he believes in something else but i'll do my best to learn and share with him. thats why i have to jia you. to show actual proof so that i will be a positive demonstration. :D

It takes courage to become happy -- courage to remain true to one's convictions, courage not to be defeated by one's weaknesses and negativity, courage to take swift action to help those who are suffering.

and i realised.
late night makes you fat. :(

我不是一定要你回来

2009-11-20T14:23:00.000+08:00

Brain Test

2009-11-17T13:24:00.001+08:00

I jus took a brain test and this is my results:

You are more right-brained than left-brained. The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. In addition to being known as right-brained, you are also known as a creative thinker who uses feeling and intuition to gather information. You retain this information through the use of images and patterns. You are able to visualize the "whole" picture first, and then work backwards to put the pieces together to create the "whole" picture. Your thought process can appear quite illogical and meandering. The problem-solving techniques that you use involve free association, which is often very innovative and creative. The routes taken to arrive at your conclusions are completely opposite to what a left-brained person would be accustomed. You probably find it easy to express yourself using art, dance, or music. Some occupations usually held by a right-brained person are forest ranger, athlete, beautician, actor/actress, craftsman, and artist.

Your complete evaluation follows below:

Your left brain/right brain percentage was calculated by combining the individual scores of each half's sub-categories. They are as follows:

Your Left Brain Percentages

40%	Reality-based (Your most dominant characteristic)
27%	Linear
22%	Sequential
14%	Verbal
13%	Logical
9%	Symbolic (Your least dominant characteristic)

Your Right Brain Percentages

67%	Random (Your most dominant characteristic)
32%	Nonverbal
29%	Intuitive
28%	Concrete
24%	Holistic
16%	Fantasy-oriented (Your least dominant characteristic)

its quite true. haha. can see that i have a almost 50-50 balance for use of both brains..

take your test here!: http://www.wherecreativitygoestoschool.com/vancouver/left_right/rb_test.htm

yay~ and nah~

2009-11-15T21:26:00.003+08:00

yay: finally over! made it thru with a cracked reed.

nah: a few mistakes made. and lil audience.

maybe i shld be in LLC mode each time we've performance. cuz i realised this helps the band to achieve better results. (in comparisons to past few performace)

why people ask me to look for a boyfriend for them when i asked them for one? though im considered young, but im looking for a boyfriend! not a husband. XD sorry been going thru some stuffs personally. and emotionally. so chosing to be emo about it for some time. think its dumb or whatever. i've feelings too. choosing to ignore it will make it even more difficult to move on.

and ya, just in case (you) didnt know. it was just because of 1 line that you said, i determined your thoughts and thus decided how i shld act. even thou i wonder now if we could be like last time again..

distractions..

2009-11-11T14:35:00.002+08:00

are so the many!!

i am so distracted. when i try to do work, it either colleagues, wanting to play games, checking twitter, reading online articles, checking msn, bla bla bla..

ARGH..

FOCUS girl!

the adventures of ahtu

2009-11-07T22:11:00.002+08:00

now as im writing this blog post, meow should be busy doing up scores for us ba. Xin ku ni le oh.. because im not as clever or talented, i dun seem to be of much use around.

before i start to talk alot of rubbish, lets divert.

and so, ahtu began on her adventures around the tuis-land and while she was travelling, she saw these 2 punks who were being quite oblivious to their environment. sitting down and pretending not to see an old lady standing, they happily(and so i thought) chat and listen to their music. ahtu was already feeling quite furious, perhaps this emotion is in relative to the 'dang shi ren', and also because of ahtu's job, she told the punks to get up and let the lady sit. courageous ahtu then alighted from her transportation. Although it seemed a brave move, not everyone is willing to do that and during this process ahtu felt this adrenaline(or shiver) running thru her. its her first time after all!

the next day, ahtu went to pick up her borrowed musical instrument from a friend she met on the road. this story came about from a few days back. she was just playing music and someone came and say that he plays the same instrument too! so because the one ahtu was playing is already a lil cranky, ahtu wants to borrow his instrument. and its an ok immediately. how nice! so ahtu borrowed the instrument and also got to know a new friend. and coincidentally, this friend happen to be in the same committee as ahtu! helping out for the musical next year and is supposedly her YMD counterpart! oh my oh my.. this is too qiao already. furthermore, he seems to be a good friend of ahtu's bro-in-law. but just one thing.. ahtu thinks he might be a lil too old.. LOL! just jokking..

and so. after that, ahtu quickly hopped home. took another intrument and went out again. she will be going to somebody's house to practice and play music again! to cover lost time, she jumped into a cab and about few km away, the driver said "i didnt start the meter, just realised it." haha. :X oops but ahtu saved a few cents!

--- interval ---

i think its pretty tiring to be writing in a 3rd person's perspective. brain feels quite tired. maybe also due to the running about for the whole day. tml will be another whole day. and so, i need to go stick my key pads that dropped out of the saxophone. ja neh. :P

到底该说还是不该说?

2009-10-27T11:03:00.002+08:00

梁静茹说

不想难为你
又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

可是郭靜说

爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

so.. 到底该说还是不该说?

in a maze..

2009-10-22T11:17:00.003+08:00

hi blog! and visitors who still check this web-covered place once in a while.. :D

i m busy with twitter now.. thats why blogging has become a 2nd priority.. recently i've become very hardworking at work oh.. maybe its because of the pending workload? maybe also because im feeling some threat.. :S

nevertheless, i'm really trying to resolve all the problems step by step. be it solving from the root or jus using a temporary method to cover up, at least things are progressing.. well, this time it must go live ASAP.

and so, this year is coming to an end.. i cant say its a VERY GOOD or VERY BAD year.. more like a 'switch over' period for me.. switching of identities u might say.. well, kind of.. i've been quite slack and dead.. then i thought of the 'me' few years ago and i realised time cannot turn back and i cant go back to how i was.. because things happen for a reason, all the experiences i had open a new kind of character in me and i should continue and become a great human being.. the kind i would like myself to be.

and so, i didnt chant to go back to the ME i was in SD but rather to not be affected by things that happened in the past, to have the courage and ability to control certain things, to not let myself be the stumbling block to the growth of my YWDs and the projects that i'm working on.

still searching and seeking and i guess life is like this.. there might be no end but will one continue to seek or are you satisfied with what you have? it is so easy to fall into the path laid by the 3 poison (greed, anger, stupidity) but weiling shared with me the answer GD gave her to "how to remain pure faith" was: It is difficult to remain pure in heart in this evil age with so many desires but we should be like the lotus flower that blooms in the muddy swamp.

recently was quite troubled with'ka-chng' problem as well as plusplus problem.. although i was quite frustrated.. i also tried to reflect and think.. well, yes i am young and ignorant. maybe its jus stubboness. ya i am very stubbon. and this magical force will increase if opposing force increase. like they always say to the contestants in 'xing guang' during PK show, one must 遇强则强.

and thank you my friends, who sent me messages and presents(all rabbity..) and your company. im not alone. you too. :D

and, oh. i wonder if i've high blood. haha.. strange.

没有人是傻瓜

2009-10-13T16:01:00.002+08:00

我的客气是因为想要学习不是因为我在怕你
你推给我的事情都在训练我的功力
我不还击是因为喜欢和平不是因为不够聪明
你丢给我的情绪都在培养我的耐性

*[Oh 你怎么笨到不懂没有人会是傻瓜 Woo
拿出本事闭上嘴巴 Woo
别装好心又乱放话 Yeah
眼睛很瞎但头很大
我已经受够了你自以为是老大
受够了你太酸太假
你想看我爆炸就来吧]

我的尊敬是因为你的年龄不是因为你的能力
又说以前你多行打个呵欠在我心里
我的热血是因为很多憧景不是因为冲动而已
你说成败是天意我说态度决定命运

Repeat *

没有时间再听无聊的人废话
没有时间再被脑残的人阻挡
菜鸟未必菜我就超有想法
世界天天在变化每天都有黑马

Repeat *

this song is from one of xing guang san shao -- pan yu wen's new album. the lyrics is quite interesting, with the upbeat melody..

although it sounds like someone commenting on their senior at work, the bold words seem more like a dialogue i will say to myself.. :S anw, enjoy!

请榨干我 , 快活!

2009-10-07T12:24:00.003+08:00

this is my first time listening to the entire album from eason. and this is after watching xing guang.. :D

this is a very interesting album. particularly this song, bringing to you 谋情害命:

要害请你害我
要骗一定要骗我
你在我茶里放什么
你在我床前拿冰锄要干什么
你在我书房找什么
你在我车底装上的又是什么
*[随你陷害我虐待
我掏空我榨干我
其实我很清楚不过没说
只要答应我你对我无论做什么
绝不在他身上做
请害苦我请害惨我
你放过我日子怎么过]

你都没告诉我
你在我胸口涂什么
你在我浴室放烤箱又为什么
你在我电脑看什么
你在我花园挖的洞要埋什么

Repeat *
只要答应我你对我无论做过什么

别以为我真的没想过
受尽折磨到底为什么
我就等你习惯了害我一个
看看那天你和我
谁人没有谁不可
形势逆转你就知道错

请害苦我 (我的情
我的命你要什么)
请害惨我 (全世界只
有你能对我无恶不作)
别放过我 (尽管说我
的情我的命你要什么)
你可听过 (不过你
要小心要还我)
有一首歌叫「害我
变成什么… 爱我」
现在我就为你做

if you haven heard of the song before, just by reading this you should be able to see that these are feelings of a sadist. XD then the music. how do i describe it? it began with a style like rhapsody in blue, then a lil jazzy, then the instrumentation is also very interesting.. the flute part sound just like Nestor's style. and the song ended with a BURP. (yes a real BURP.)

to a first time listener of eason's song(other than my memories of those pop songs he sung), this album is very interesting! :D

互相矛盾

2009-09-29T11:41:00.004+08:00

想太多

"是我想太多我也這樣說
這是唯一能安慰我的理由"

想太多了。。。就会太烦恼！！！

太烦恼

"我烦恼太聪明并不好
烦恼太愚蠢更不好
烦恼谁都不明了
烦恼烦恼太烦恼的苦恼"

today is a familiar face day.. saw geraldine eating at the coffeeshop opp my sch.
then uncle phillip(poh) at HG mall
and another auntie.. (is she a WD?)

*said hi to this auntie outside HG mall's NTUC. but i cant recall who is she.. maybe she also dunno who i am.. XD this is bad..

so..

who is she?

'white'

2009-09-17T22:16:00.003+08:00

xiao bai!!

i cant save all the nice images i found! :S

found a forum talkin about NB.. well.. i think i am really not a good member of the org nor a worthy disciple.. we may be tryin to defend our organisation but lets do it with wisdom. gambatte!

How to be a good twitizen?

2009-09-17T09:00:00.000+08:00

Be a Good Twitizen
· Don’t spam, don’t oversell or over-promote
· Be welcoming, friendly, listen
· Get rid of the ego – engage others
· Limit tweets and pause between tweets
· Humor and snark in moderation
· Same tweet time – regularity builds followers
· Educate, inform – don’t lecture
· Retweet others especially new twits
· Be human, be you

yay~

goldfish

2009-09-15T08:40:00.002+08:00

been looking like a goldfish.. dunno what's wrong with me.. been feeling the 'burden' of swollen eyes when i already have very small gap to view the world.. :S

network at workplace is very unstable.. so much so that its getting on my nerves very soon if it doesnt stabilise.. RAWR. 'YOU BETTER BE GOOD OR.. OR.. OR..'

see, i cant do anything.. jus be angry and kill all my happy cells. :(

and then, i have been thinkin.. if one is given a choice to customise the amt of talent we could be born with, will i want to be a smart but innocence-minded or dumb but high EQ person?

haha.. its a tough choice man.. because it seems that im low on either side.. this makes things so tough.. really.. i see the existence of talent no matter how much i do not want to admit. certain things, its really fine to not be good at it.. but other things, u cant polish it even though you are very hardworking.. you can only learn by going through it.

sounds a bit pessimistic? maybe the society has successfully made me negative by providing so many opportunities to.

what else can you do when something you wish to do so much seems to be something that the other party does not want you to do?

for now, i can only chant.. i will continue until i know how to proceed on.. :D

像打不死的蟑螂就是我的精神！

真是的！

2009-09-13T22:25:00.002+08:00

不能取胜的我又有何得何能去鼓励别人呢？

我妈妈说我电线坏了，有谁会修？

why?

2009-09-11T23:30:00.002+08:00

twitter.. has taken over the 1st place for 'venting' out my feelings from blogger..

it is too convenient.. to jus randomly type out 1-2 lines of my feelings.. since my thoughts changes like the passing cloud anyway..

so blogger became a tool to summarise my thoughts.. hahahaha.. and this sound so technical..

today was the last day of sch holidays!! ARGH~ its too soon.. i didnt manage to do alot of things.. although there wasnt much people around, the network still sot sot de.. and i can always NEVER find the things i wan. RAWR.

and here's some really negative thoughts..

i thought i had already put it down.. by not thinking and focusing and directing my energy towards these “没营养的东西”.. i must try harder.. focus!

and thus the 2nd week of the campaign is ending soon.. we have about 2 months more to go? need to jia you! i want my chapter to breakthru!

the rest are putting in so much effort every day, every hour, minute and second thinking about their PGRs. yet this dear chapter over here is playing with twitter..

i am filled with no-determination. i dunno why.. can someone tell me why?

有用吗？

2009-09-11T13:09:00.001+08:00

jus to share:

Q1: 东北有三宝。哪三宝？
人参，貂皮，乌拉草。

Q2: 新东北有三宝。哪三宝？

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.

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.

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.

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.

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新人参，新貂皮，新乌拉草。 !!!

Q3: 男人追女人的新三宝：

司机，宵夜，修电脑。

my friend is married..

2009-09-06T23:06:00.002+08:00

its time to blog! i've so many things to talk about..

erm.. not that much actually.. XD

and so for this year, all FR activities have come to an end.. this friday was the last of the movie.. we didnt have much audience; as usual. a lil sad for this series that i was quite involved in to end.. but it is also a good thing that we are moving towards to reach to a bigger group of audience.. oh ya! i passed by placeN today and i saw a huge crowd.. wonder wads the event.. it looks quite impressive... (brain in knots)

sat went for 2 hr dmk chanting.. my daimoku on weekdays is really jialat.. but discipline, discipline! i musnt be so easily swayed by my emotions..

and this week orch's prac.. i wasnt in a good condition.. somehow my 'embochure' and sitting posture is still not consistent.. as a result, the sound and the way i hold my instrument varies.. this is bad.. maybe because i didnt learn properly from the start.. wo hao ben ar..

anw, too many thoughts in my mind.. i wonder whats the cause.. is it because im a women thus emotional? or isit due to lack of training when i was young? really.. sometimes too much good fortune can lead to misfortune.. :S

and.. my friend is married! omedeito gozaimasu!

once again..

2009-08-31T11:57:00.003+08:00

reopening my blog! some stuffs happened and i felt it wasnt good if i continue to create more bad karma in words.. allowing others also to create them in thoughts. (plus, i have some kids reading here! :P)

and so.. ML and WL successfully created evil at the 'last' FR.. hahaha.. well.. i wasnt feel really sad because this is a project that allowed some of us to create really wonderful memories and also gave me many chances to train myself. whether it is going to be resumed, the spirit of wanting to contribute and foster will continue in other areas.

the youth meeting was really good.. although most stuffs said were the usual stuffs, but i seem to be able to get back abit of my 'pure faith' and i realised the thing that touches me ever since i started sttending activites were the strong ichinen of the leaders. perhaps this is part of what we have lost and now we found it again. i muz also be determined even though the road ahead seem really dark right now. i'll light up the path of others!

and after i told myself to let it go.. somehow i seem to be more easily wavered. (pardon me for my bad english..) maybe i've been left alone for too long.. so i thought it'd be better if it was like this from the start. this is human neh. sighs..

nothing said. as my fren say, "what do u expect to hear?" i also dunno.. so jus act normal lor.. though i find it very hard to.. just stop thinking and i will not bear any hope. when i dont bear any hope, i wont be disappointed. good logic! yay.. :D

im mad.. but not as much as how meow was on sun.. i think she muz be too tired. :P haha.. lack of sleep makes u high!

Simultaneity of cause and effect

2009-08-04T23:12:00.001+08:00

i dun understand why.. if it is so.

let my -karma be deeper then. maybe i'll fight when i'm at the brink of death. hah.

tell me!!

2009-07-27T12:02:00.002+08:00

sat and sun was spent very fulfilling indeed.. had review session at zone's hse. and no matter how i try to avoid, it still happened. im really sorry that i didnt do better or cont in my efforts. i could see how KL's mindset had changed and when she shared abt her thoughts and stuffs learnt, im very much encourage by her humbleness indeed.

then met WY to prac our morigasaki.. but half the time we were like playin other songs and chatting.. OMG~~ the two of us tgt really can come up with alot of other stuffs.. really appreciate all her postcards and lil guidances. :) thank you my comrade!

then we went to tampONE. walked ard.. and off she went to meet bear-lil-friend. XD all the kaoshiung, shu xiong came out.. :P

have started on my real-time game.. and even so, pple is pillaging me. and the scary thing is, i think someone over there who i jus tot was a online accquaintance, dunno how, checked out my profile and pic - idunnofromwhere - and said that i looked cute? OMG... im so gonna avoid him. GO AWAY.

then sun came.. finally didnt take cab.. but i was slightly late. :S
then we did some warm-ups and some sight-reading of band pieces.. which i think was another time-well-spent pieces.. we shld do personal prac for 1-2 hours then combine.
then prac ended but some of us stayed and tried chamber. it was nice but i guess im the one dragging others down. ALTO CLEF!! *strangles.*

then met hor er and heng er for lunch and we set off to tsc. stupid hor hor "possessed" my rabbit toy and started saying nonsense.. all the rubbish we were playin in the bus. OMGOMG~
then i was at tsc.. they had invited me and WY to play for them. so weird.. only 2 ladies out of all men group. (dun worry our MD sing also out of tune. XD lets forgive them.)

then off again i rush to TPY. it was alrdy 750 when the mtg starts at 7pm. OMG. and abt 4 empty cabs drive pass me when they are available. i not ah piao!!
finally reached the place after much struggle. (the drive abit weird.. and the nets is down. boo.)
and so.. i was obviously the last person to reach and i tink with me ard we spoke of alot of redundant and stupid things.. and ended mtg at 11++++.. home sweet home..

think that i shld take things for granted. got to work harder!

wads the secret? or maybe its not a secret but i wanna know!! so curious.. argh... so irritating..

for people who love stories..

2009-07-20T08:30:00.001+08:00

"Once upon a time...

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of aneighboring kingdom.. The monarch could have killed him but was moved byArthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, aslong as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have ayear to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want?Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And toyoung Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised himto consult the old witch, For only she would have the answer.. But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, And Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden,But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And thereservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered. Arthur's question thus: 'What do women really want?'She said, 'Is to be in charge of her own life. 'Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth.And that Arthur's life would be spared.And so it was.The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom.And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him.The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed.The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, She would hence forth be her horrible and deformed self onlyhalf the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half.'Which would you prefer? She asked him.'Beautiful during the day ..... or at night?'Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch! Or, Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day? But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with?
(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?

What Lancelot chose, is given below: BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below... OKAY?

Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time..Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. Now... what is the moral to this story?

The moral is:
1) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to getugly.

So, always remember:IT'S EITHER 'HER WAY' OR IT'S 'NO WAY'!!!

is it true?

2009-07-17T22:40:00.000+08:00

ARGH!!!

im going mad! sheat~!

commento.

2009-07-17T10:34:00.002+08:00

wow.. i jus realised i've comments!!

people actually commented to my blog post! only 3 comments but i feel very happy that people are reading.. 1 of them is my almost 10 years friend and another two did not leave their name(s). suspecting could be 'her'.

but anw, it is so cool! =D

after the formation day..

2009-07-13T12:42:00.000+08:00

为什么爱从来不来到我身边，应该是我的问题吧。。: this will not be stuffs that i will normally say because i do not want to become self-centered and shallow minded.

i guess that incident(nth to do with BGR) has made me ponder on alot of things..

on my ability as a leader,
my determination,
me being true to myself.

this is the time when i felt like i jus bang my head on the wall to know that it is solid hard.
as said, the time has come where the result has hit me hard on the face(twice) and it is up to me whether i want to fight against and win or remain the same.

i want to be true to myself.

i know who are my comrades without words spoken. i will continue to fight as i promised. things has shown how 'great' our efforts are. so i shall not elaborate or twist and turn to make it sound nicer and comforting. it hurts so much to be singing "vow to sensei" when i did not fulfill it.
Sensei, i've let you down! am not worthy to be your disciple till i achieve absolute victory!

i will hold firm to my beliefs.

likewise, i will stop deceiving myself by thinking that you like me when in fact your actions is telling me that it is not. :P my antenna is short. sorry if i have created trouble or have been a nuisance. i will be clear and stop dropping hints.

my life now is for my mentor, my members and my dear family who has been holding on for so long. we muz change this and transform where we are to the Buddha land.

i need another 50% to explode. will it or will not, i mus strengthen myself so strong so that 1 week later when we have the review, i will be able to share my thoughts exactly and not be emotional.

Toda sensei says :"Your personal emotion as compared to the universe is only as tiny as a speck of dust."

i want everything new!!

2009-07-11T23:50:00.002+08:00

- a new workstation (either PC or laptop)
- a new HD
- a new hairdo/hairstyle/treatment
- a new phone and/or mp3 and/or gadget
- some new clothes
- new watch
- new pouches

ARGH!! ah tu is being materialistic!!
tml is formation day and yet here i am tryin to review what i want to buy..

have i missed out anything? what else do i need to bring is on my mind.. but more imptly, i think im not mentally prepared neh. :S have not been doing enough reachout.. hence, very very afraid of the turnout tml.. :S:S:S
alot is due to my last-min inform? and others..
in fact, those that i want to reach out to are those that WERE active or even leaders..

sent off my ywd who will be pursuing her dream of studies at her homeland.. i will miss you, yunya!

and XC is still in UK.. praying for her to realise her dreams, even if its not in singapore.. Gambatte to both!

anw, my attitude is the same as in, regardless of the turnout, i must cont to do my reachout and foster my YWDs who are still 'hot' in their passion.. :D i will touch:gan dong all of them!! i know ZONE has not much time thus i muz not disappoint her.

im seriously thinkin of buying mac.. its like so CHEAP.. but other than space constrain, other probs like OS compatibility will cause many inconveniences of me if i change without a backup. and the so-called recognised WD has crashed. send it to US? either i risk the physical lost or the virtual lost. SIGHHHHHHHH

and went shopping w hor-er.. the new OC has opened.. with not much shop.. the boutiques are also.. ahem ahem.. not my type? i think the fashion now is abit strange.. doesnt really cater to pple like me.. strangeeee. or maybe im the odd one out.. ha!

ah tu needs to slim slim slim slim slim.

"This used to be a fun house ta da da da, dum dum dum
but now its full of evil clowns ta da da da, dum dum dum
its time to start the countdown
im gonna burn it down, down ,down
im gonna burn it down!"

de.ja.vu

2009-07-09T14:56:00.002+08:00

just today.. more than twice the deja vu memory came into my mind. was feeling quite giddy and tired the whole of today..

and it seems that these hidden memory were from quite a long time ago.. so i wonder if what it only applies when i dun remember it. what bout those i remember?

argh.. this is causing me so much of my energy..

this is so strange. as if i have some mystery to unveil..

sensei tells me..

2009-07-09T10:05:00.000+08:00

"A person who cannot genuinely empathize with others can never excel as a leader. So much of what ails society today is the result of too many people in leadership positions who do not or cannot identify with the plight of their fellow men and women. It is in enduring pain and struggles that the earth of our humanity is cultivated. And it is from this earth that a capacity to be genuinely concerned for the welfare of others blossoms."

失落沙洲

2009-06-28T22:10:00.002+08:00

徐佳瑩失落沙洲完整版MV 導演：徐筠軒

又来到这个港口没有原因的拘留
我的心乘着斑驳的轻舟寻找失落的沙洲
随时间的海浪漂流我用力张开双手
拥抱那么多起起落落想念的还是你望着我的眼波

我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊

我不是一定要你回来
只是当又把回忆翻开
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱

又回到这个尽头我也想再往前走
只是越看见海阔天空越遗憾没有你分享我的感动

我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊

我不是一定要你回来
只是当又把回忆翻开
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱

the funny waiter..

2009-06-25T23:36:00.003+08:00

today was late for work again!! and my students r earlier than me lor.. GOSH, such a bad example. :S

lesson was bad. i need to be able to push my students even more. teaching is a tough job. im glad i dun have the intend to further into this kind of profession, neither am i a suitable candidate as a salesperson. XD

and after a looooooooooooong time, MH and me went to look for 'lin you jia' again.. wah.. i think i really became quite raw and bloated and stuffs. :S thoughts to terminate the contact thou.. unless anyone else wans to join me? :D

then i think the salesperson there also very clever lor.. pretend to chaoz after the class ended so we cant 'talk' to him. perhaps he got seventh sense leh.. hahaha.. and since he wasnt there, we went for our dinner.. a super fillin dinner man.. sinful.. and the waiter was damn funny la.. the first thing i noticed was that he walked very quickly and like a robot. o.O! then, was his height. i think it was 2m? and he could s-t-r-e-t-c-h.. without much effort to place stuffs from one end of a round table to the other end. like woah~
next was the way he talked. maybe because he was an indian so it especially added flavours and colors to his speech.. XD i was very much entertained. and towards the end, because my food came late(due to some reason, i didnt not catch wad was it) he kept apologizing and when i rejected his offer of 'chilli and tabaesco sauce' he said something like 'your mood is down already isit?' like quite loh sor and persistent but i think its his sincerity and concern towards customers' satisfaction.
in fact, two more interesting stuffs but im tired.

thats y i say i cant be a salesperson. i probably boh chup. XD

skippin prac this sun. :D

the urge..

2009-06-21T21:15:00.003+08:00

is to blog!! i need to blog! jus to type down my thots before they disappear..

today is such a 'qiao' day to have met a ywd friend on the way to scc.. supposed to meet JH & ML for bf but one of them woke up late.. cause and effect for me ba.. :S

then THP was sick and didnt come for prac.. daijobu ka? but we have a few more to join us! *claps*

really.. it was because i didnt chant hard..

the SURPRISE was, my ywd actually texted me sayin tt she wants to pick up momentum in activities again and asked me to update her! woohoo.. like, WOOHOOO!!! after much thinkin, im sure it was my zone.. but to prevent myself from being over-confident, im gg to dedicate all energies to chanting even more.. hoping to be able to attract all the good forces..

when chanting, i was thinking.. 11 recruits, 5 audited, 6 dropped and half of the bulk was somehow linked to me in a way. it mus be me not putting enough efforts.. ther's no time to stop and blame and feel bad and bla bla bla. lets move on.

then rushed down to senja(VERY LATE. T_T ).. and i was supposed to be the emcee! but havin my zone ard really gives me a secure feeling. like how starlight program pple describe when singing with their seniors.. :D i will be better..

then worked on the prep.. forget the complain because i dun wan myself to be biased against anyone. its the time to foster and i know im esp weak at this module. i can be a very good mbr, a good follower but not a holistic leader who can fulfill all of what i need to. moto moto!!

then went down to town to repair watch. :S $10++++ de watch no need to spend so much effort but it broke down on the 2nd day of purchase and i jus wanted justice. lucky i need no gang nor tattoos to boost my 'gung-ho-ness'. :D

met giraffe wheni was abt to leave.. he still look so friendly and stuff and i didnt really wanna stay to have a chat.. im anti-social. XD

skipped lunch and had a heavy dinner. now i know why i grow fats so quickly.. URG. :(

and so, ah tu's exciting field trip ends with her tryin to finish the never-ending work. (yay~)

jus the same old thing..

2009-06-20T22:00:00.002+08:00

been slackin alot in my chanting.. and i also feel the strain brought by it. has been tryin to 'cheat time' in work.. feel very bad abt this cuz there're many deadlines to be met.. ARGH.. so unmotivated. perhaps im too concerned abt the 'PR' that i only respond to nice pple.. XD and im gonna been moved away to the room inside which makes my grudge even deeper.

after the announcement of the music challenge, i thought that at least i muz try to start earlier in my readings and practice.. so i went searching for scores and such. invested $21 which will last me 365 days, 1 day = 0.05753425 cents. quite worth it ba.. :D

then i spent another $14.90 support my vomit-elephant buyin his 7th album. nice~!

and so, every month im crackin my brain on how can i break apart the $$ in the piggy such that i can last till the 26th. it is so xin ku.. but i think i've gotten quite used to it.. got to work w abit of hynpotizing myself thou.. haha..

really.. online is not a good time for pple to pour their heart and tears and such.. but it is a medium for me to count my ker-chng, and share good photos with all!

a beautiful sky.. the sun went away during the moment i took this.

can you see the cable cars?

beautiful light shone on the school building of CGS.

i love orange pieces of sky. this one was taken near my hse i think.. slightly blurred.

another try..

sunrise! can you see the sun rising energetically? as thou it is calling our to us to move on with high spirits too!

this is around 730pm @ tamp.. (name of foodcourt is Jurong cafe. LOL!)

and lastly, this is one of my favourite.. the same sky at tamp but at a different angel.. it looks quite artistic w parts of the lampost showing rite? :D

thats all folks!

3rd week has started!

2009-06-15T10:25:00.002+08:00

the past week has nothing much worth mentioning.. except the part about me and my tablet. i bought a wacom tablet!!! it was like wooh~~ XD

a big hole in my pocket.. my new expensive gadget since the PHD bought during march IT fair and since the LT that i bought 5-6 yrs ago..

but a bigger wish is to modify or get a new laptop cuz of specs issue.. this laptop aint functioning very well.. and also the dream of havin my own room and workspace.. many things has been going around and they're jus playin tai-chi themselves in my head.. and then all these will go back to the original point where my mom/dad will say the same old thing..

i wonder.. y they can say the same thing over and over again, bring up the same old topic even after many years.. i wonder..

i need to think much more, much deeper.. and i suddenly feel like my laptop. old and working beyond my means.. then i realised it was because each time things happen, the error prompts and command given to ignore and thus, it happens..

and so sunday came.. the announcement of the 'ordeal' came~~ T___T
didnt want to be the person who pulls everyone morale.. when its time to face it, one has to i think.. 11 pple reduced to 8. i really feel sad about this. is it because i am not determined enough? i didnt chant enough dmk for the success? what isit? and just when i tried so hard to convinced others, i went back to being myself and its jus like slapping my own face.

even thou the 'wonderful' thing about the organisation is everyone will forgive you or embrace you, maybe sometimes i jus need the honesty. come on! be honest with yourself. i need to be brave. to have courage is faith. this is what sensei says and yet im one who does all the talking and no action? ha. no wonder..

shugo.. doki!

2009-06-05T08:26:00.003+08:00

my XC flew to UK yesterday.. went to the airport to send her off and i brought along a CD compilation of songs and a letter with few words.. my potential is leavin to seek her dreams and i've nothing to make her stay because if it was me, i would want to be able to seek and fulfil my dreams, my mission.. truly admired her for her courage because its a very difficult time now esp. in the west.. somehow like 去西取经 hor.. despite being her 'leader', i learnt many things and am always encouraged by her passion and enthusiasm.. watched "败犬" and the male lead said something like "与其埋怨事情的不足，倒不如想想如何让以后不再发生同样的事" kinda stuffs.. this is applicable in all aspects of our life and it only allow me to confirm once again that what im doing is correct.

had a very good but short dialogue w my zone at the airport. already at the beginning i knew she was someone that i can follow... someone practising correctly and a true disciple of sensei. maybe along the road it was too tough and she was the only one who hung on. but because of her determination, things are starting to change. of cuz i have to get going as well! sensei dun have much time to wait for me.

2 friends jus got attached.. and i wonder.. im in no stand to judge for now because i've also failed in my own past relationship.. they seem unsure of this relationship, like how i was.. and like my own child, i would want to protect them from the pain and hurt they might get down the road but at the same time, we also know that we will only become a better person, gain life's experience after overcoming it.. no matter what, i'll cont to send daimoku to them for their happiness.. 她们不要我了！when thinkin abt this in the morning, "我很丑，可是我很温柔~~" flew across my head.. hahahhaha..

from 爱就tgt: "为什么我还是一个人？" i always wonder.. partly because im lonely? or isit because i feel inferior that 'nobody wans me'.. haha.. im also not sure.. but having a bf/gf should be built on the friendship and trust when the two got to know one another and not just solely on emotions ba..if not very quickly, will end up like me. XD and it is definitely not a sign of power or authority ba.. strange that i have this kind of thinking.

sometimes i wished "能不能就让一切尽在不言中". because im not still not someone who is able to express myself correctly.. like the girl in this particular anime, i have a different view from the signal i give people. and the conclusion is i still dunno how.. the tin-man in 'WOO'.. it is good that i dun have courage. because with a temper like mine i dunno what i will end up doin when i was still much younger(although i still very young now). :D

i had the 'de ja vu' feeling ytd with weiyi again.. and i really wonder which is reality.. if i had this power to predict the future, which portion that i predicted will come true? hahaha.. this doesnt really matter thats why i m striving hard to see the result i want.. work harder, harder, harder!

tuxedo kamen-sama!!

2009-05-31T22:55:00.002+08:00

i was reflecting again.. and thinking if really, i watch too much of the 'wo yao dai ti yue liang cheng fa ni' de anime.. XD

felt that my life and character was in some ways very alike to the female pig trotters.. even though i think i've blogged abt this before.. and even in the way that i 'realised my mission'..

------------------------------- .. -----------------------------------------------
i need to fight harder.. to really reach out to my YWDs.. although currently i've quite a number but muz not be lax and complacent.. alrdy 1+ year and seriously i hasnt achieve anything much..

i just need to fight on continuously.. and not think so much.. i shall not look back but advance, advance and follow sensei's footsteps as much as i can..

------------------------------- .. -----------------------------------------------

weather is super hot these few days.. maybe i can lose some fats from sweating.. XD but quite impossible.. shldnt complain so much because i still work in an air-coned office..

i shall live my june holidays to the fullest! :D

Gambarimasu! to myself and my comrades. lets protect our mentor and his dream!

belated greetings..

2009-05-28T09:02:00.001+08:00

A very happy birthday to my student damien!

he's turned 14 on wed! but i forgot about it. :S

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~~~

anw, hope to have a very good june holis prog with all of you!

itaii~~~ again.

2009-05-25T22:42:00.002+08:00

ouch... my stomach hurts again.. i wonder if i ate something wrong.. and the longer i remain still, the more unbearable it becomes.. i think i jus need to move ard.. today at ofc alrdy make my face green green.. my student asked me "teacher are you ok? you angry ar.."

after much thinkin.. i think ther's something wrong w my communication system. perhaps i talk/behave like a ET so much so that even i dun understand what is the response tt i want from others.. ha!

i need the courage.. have i said this before? yet im afraid of the result with the courage. :S hahahaha.. anw, june holis is coming and i'll be busy! :( boohoohoo.. no more slacking.. but its good la.. work harder man, ah tu!

summer cleaning at SCC..

2009-05-25T08:56:00.003+08:00

cleanup our stores at SCC over the weekends.. and the hot weather recently was a proof that it was summer..

was quite happy that finally we sorted out some scores, old and new, as well as the instruments side. and of cuz it was because we threw many things away.. *claps*
- EVERYTHING MUST GO! -

and for some reason, ah tu was emo. :
didnt know what to say.. even though i had alot to say.. (y cant i communicate properly? i need the courage but im afraid to have the courage. confusing...)

i think it doesnt matter anyway.. im the only one who has been thinkin too much.. so stop thinking! i jus want to be ignorance.. it's a bliss.

a thinking rabbit is an animal indeed..

2009-05-20T08:26:00.002+08:00

Perserverence is the key. You must only do it this time. Only such struggle can bring us victory.

HG YWD zone.

indeed.. i've only been 'trying my best at my own convenience'. to not be swayed so easily.. i need to be more firm and determined. i want to work hard n try hard too..

From a healed, peaceful heart, humility is born; from humility, a willingness to listen to others is born; from a willingness to listen to others, mutual understanding is born; and from mutual understanding, a peaceful society will be born. Nonviolence is the highest form of humility; it is supreme courage.

Ikeda quotes.org

empathy, "i understand", compassion.. if i cant feel for it, i want the courage to go thru it.

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009
-- TO MY FRIENDS --
Let's make sure to have clear-cut goals and plans for each day! Then when we look back on how the day went, we can say to ourselves: "Todayagain I won!" Making steady progress, on a daily basis, enables us to adorn our lives with remarkable victories!

this is what i've been thinking on the way here. i need to be better than yesterday.. no matter how glorious the past is, things starts from now and i'll surpass even then to build a solid foundation.

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009
--- DAILY GOSHO ---
"Be diligent in developing your faith until the last moment of your life. Otherwise you will have regrets. For example, the journey from Kamakura to Kyoto takes twelve days. If you travel for eleven but stop with only one day remaining, how can you admire the moon over the capital?"(Letter to Niike - The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, Vol.1, page 1027) Selection source: The New Human Revolution - Surging Seas - 30, Seikyo Shimbun, May 19, 2009

thought of this quote quite sometime back. sometimes we feel tired on the 3rd day, 5th day or 11th day of the journey. then we muz think of the reason to travel and the beautiful scenery we will see when we reach. but right now, i am like melos who is obstructed by the raging seas and rocky roads.

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
---- DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT ----
"The renowned Australian nurse and physical therapist Elizabeth Kenny(1880-1952), who developed a groundbreaking treatment for the effects of polio, declared: 'It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.'"SGI Newsletter No. 7773, 28TH SOKA GAKKAI HEADQUARTERS LEADERS MEETING--PART 1 [OF 2], The Proud Symbol of Brilliant Victors, from the April 27th, 2009, issue of the Seikyo Shimbun, translated May 15th, 2009

baa v.s. ROAR

i m writing all these so that i can remind myself.. :D

the lost one..

2009-05-19T23:55:00.002+08:00

when i thought i was getting closer, i got kicked down the cliff again..

how can i understand? as Mr Oh shares? as my zone said? but i have no courage..

at least, something different did happen.. whether it is my own efforts or not, i shld really be appreciative, tap on this to bring it to further heights.

i will perservere and put in more efforts.. i will definitely breakthrough!!

sakit, itai~!!!

2009-05-15T11:45:00.002+08:00

ah tu was in pain!!

my stomach contracted by 50% i think.. OBG ba.. drink bbt after a hot game of badminton.. and i felt like dying on the trip home.. T____T

mama, 我以后不敢了！

jinsi the cat wanted to play badminton and so, yi shi xing qi zhi xia, i agree to accompany her and she immediately booked the slot for the next day 6-7pm.. WOW.. jus recovered from illness and im gg to play sports.. hahahaha.. no wonder my body is soted until it affected my brain le. :S

meow meow met me for lunch.. tot i was going to be homevisited. and indeed something like tt.. hahahahaha.. i think LLC de ah tu needs more work to recover herself.. and i started my own dmk campaign.. hasnt reached out to my ywds yet cuz i need to have a HLC myself first ba..

SNCO on-going hmvs, so far i can only support by sending the lil bit of dmk for the success of each one. gambarimasu oh, my comrades!

some random crap

2009-05-12T20:23:00.002+08:00

jus chanted 45 mins @ SYC. WOW. another 15 mins more to make my one hour today..

when i was chanting, the high-ness got into me and i was just thinking.. or maybe it was the HLC that gave me the thoughts.

my situation now can only be described in two words: 'jia-lat'. but if one is totally determined to find ways to win over, then definitely, even action that is to be taken will be filled with hope and courage and happiness. (yes, weili needs to be happy back again.)

and now updating my blog at syc as well! XD -slacking..-

cobwebbed weekend updates

2009-05-11T15:58:00.004+08:00

a need to update..

was sick during the weekends.. thurs was on half day, fri, sat, sun.. 80% of my time was spent on sleeping, watchin tv.. it is definitely another time of those all-in-one package, but im glad the campaign period was over and there wasnt much activities.. but i was really un-motivated..
went for a dialogue where i only spoke 3 redundant sentences and perhaps the rest also felt that i shldnt have gone ba.. but it was jus a breakthru for me to step out for some fresh air.. hahaha..

my sis n bro-in-law came visiting on sunday and bought+brought a cake for my 2nd sis in reward of her baby-sitting.. and my jiefu asked me about the VIVO campaign which he got a replied of 'zero' from my chpt.. i sounded as if it was nothing wrong but i knew.. and he asked if i change 1 hr a day. and mentioned that this is a 'fa zhan4' -- a battle within ourselves. that totally strucked me..

not 发展，罚站，or 发簪..

but

法战！

and i need to work harder.

mi2 li2 shi4 jian4

2009-05-05T11:21:00.002+08:00

jus a quick update during work. :P

had a pretty weird dream this morning.. morning because it was past midnight; dream because i knew i was asleep..

he said tt to me.. and i sort of woke up from sleep, tryin to think and tell myself that it was a dream. XD

i knew it was a dream.. but i wanted to continue the 'story'.. and i couldnt.. in the end, couldnt sleep well at all.. @_@

was supposed to bring thermometer to work. and i forgot! ARGH..

now i wonder why why why..

i need to eat fish. <---<

practice ne?

2009-05-02T20:54:00.000+08:00

practice has been ceased.

how sad..

muahahhahaha..

2009-04-29T23:36:00.002+08:00

ok.. i m gg to reply jinsi's tag as start of my post (cuz dun need use much brain de.. XD)

1. The (crazy) person that tagged you are: Zhang Jing Si (note: spelling error)

2. Your relationship with them are: hmmm.. stingray & ah tu!

3. Your first impression of them are: erm.. some rude lil girl?

4. The most memorable moments with them: alot desu!

5. The most memorable thing they have said to you are: "ai zai xin li kou nan kai"

6. If they becomes your lover, you will: die 1st bah! haha! (copy n paste)

7. If they became your lover, what should they improve at: hmmm.... have longer antenna? hahahhaa..

8. If they becomes your enemies, what would you do: amitaha.. XD

9. If they becomes your enemy, the reason will be: she's after my property!! o.O

10. The most desired thing you want to do for them now are: nothing in specific but to be a lifelong comrade for her ba.. awww..

11. Your overall impression on them: carefree, intelligent but use in the wrong area, gossipy, funny!!

12. The characteristic you love most about yourself: jinsi said seeking spirit.. (you have meh?? XD) im not really sure eh.. perhaps i pick up new things very quickly & i am pretty objective.

13. The characteristic you hate most about yourself:sometimes too guliable & LAZY!!

14. The most ideal person you want to be is: sensei! to have a great dream is always wonderful.

15. For people that care and like you, say something to them: hmm.. i'll work harder to be a better person!

16. Pass this quiz to 10 people who you want to know how they feel about you:
(1) m3owzz
(2) Za
(3) Fong Yee
(4) hor hor
(5) Kal
(6) Uma
(7) Mei Hui
(8) Wei Yi
(9) Abaoo
(10) Sotong

17. Who is 6 having a relationship with: Senthil!! XD

18. is 9 a male or female: male desu.

19. If 7 and 10 were together, would it be a good thing: muahahahhahaha.. gomen only one guy's name inside wor.

20. What is 2 studying at the moment: SIM

21. When was the last time you had a chat with 3: eh... recruitment? apr 20th

22. What kind of music does 8 like: hmmm spider xiao's song?

23. Does 1 have any siblings:yea.. 1 sis n 1 bro! ^.*

24. Will you woo 3: definitely.. NO. she doesnt want me either! T__T

25. How about 7: muahahhahaha.. im straight.

26. Is 4 single: eh.. u mean eyelid? then its double. XD

27. What's the surname of 5: eh.. her surname very long neh. :P

28. What's the hobby of 5: sleep? hahaha.. she definitely needs it at this time.

29. Do 5 and 9 get along well: erm they dunno each other ba..

30. Where is 2 studying at:haha.. is there a repeat bar somewhere herE?

31. Say something casual about your eyes: erm.. the legendary phoenix eyes? look like lin yi lian kind. XD

32. Have you tried developing feelings for 5: hmmm.. even if i try the other party wont be willing.. XD

34. What colours does 4 like:maroon!!

5. Are 5 and 1 good friends: hmmm.. no. their bond not yet form..

36. Does 7 like 2: haha.. ha.. ha.. ha.. . . .

37. How did you get to know 2: NYP

38. Does 1 have any pets: she is the pet? mew~

39. Is 7 the sexiest person in the world?: erm..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

ok so i am done! some stupid tag rite? (dun tell jinsi. :X)

so im done!! gurl u happy?

was jus clearning my stacks of receipts from today n accumulated ones.. and i realised i still have receipts with prints that no longer can be seen, and from 2006!! GOSH. so long ago and i dun need to stock take le lor..

times r bad.. and i need to cut down on spending.. so pls forgive me if i dun offer to pay or what but this time i really need to think deeper.. my parents is depending on me, and i cant depend on them, and i really want to realise my dreams.. so..

money is essential to survivie. even thou here we claim to be a democratic country?

hahaha.. the reality is always harsh..

today we had some discussion.. really appreciate wf for thinking/planning/typing out so many things such that we could alrdy have a very good start. many thought in mind i shld have.. but somehow i didnt say much... anw i can only say. "stay tuned"!

and 11 bodhisattvas joined the realm.

2009-04-20T14:35:00.003+08:00

the recruitment came, and went..

YES! SSA Arts and Cultural Groups are recruiting!!

and the two COs were dressed in the same color. o.O muahahahha.. thou our color matches the title of the song we were playing, the other one seems to be more apt as the 'auspicious' color. XD

and the weapon for the final battle of the day was a poster with many images of instruments without EUPHONIUM, CELLO.. tied on a music stand and brownies w guidance, and a laptop with photos old and new..

was quite a successful recruitment as we managed to get 11 BWS to fill in the form. out of which we had a 'pi gu', a bsn/alto player jus like me! haha.. maybe it means tt my mission is up alrdy ba.. (sry no FH wor. XD)

so we all went home in the very hot weather.. :S and my phone died so what i did on the entire journey; i eavsdrop on other pple's conversation and i tot tt that pair of couple/friends/gg-to-be-steads sounded really childish and when they alighted the bus, the girl didnt look like what i imagined. XD (bad ah tu!) after they alighted, ah tu lost her source of entertainment and so i slept.. hahaha.. and i slept so early that i woke up late in the morning.. --" sighs.. i need to be more dilligent wor.

some pictures..

so many ah orhs(brownies)!!! -lets all learn to be good in something so we can contribute too!-

ah orhs closed up.

ah orh's cousin (cakie = cookie + cake) w ice-cream!

nice sunset.. but blurry.. guess where did i take this? answer revealed below...

another try..

the close up of.. the lampost? (p.s: this was taken inside SYC toilet. jus abv the cubicle ther's the window and the lovely blue reflecting on the window jus encourage me to shoot this.. ^^)

its here!

2009-04-18T23:20:00.003+08:00

hasnt been posting for a loooooooooooong time because.. because.. there wasnt much to post.

been so busy recently that time flashes by week after week.. i wonder.. work is fine, 2nd session of FR workshop was abit rush, so im starting to think if we can finish everything by the 4th one.
chapter side not doing very good because my counterpart is gg to be transferred and i even ruined the youth gathering by not gg down for it. :S im so sorry..
orch/band/ensembe side, we're gg to have recruitment tml! and i have to be honest n say tt i didnt complete the 7 hours. haiz.. perhaps this is why at the age of **, ah tu is still struggling with her life. XD

actually something quite bad happened during our rehearsal.. but theres not need to mention anw since 'point one finger at others, four is pointing towards urself'. perhaps no expectation is the best. :D

and then.. i got to play w tablets!! and even 'teach' the students how to use a tablet PC. am really fortunate cuz i wanted to get one for myself but now i get to experience first before i invest.. its a good opportunity presented. and by learning myself, somehow, i can pass my knowledge to students as well.. (thou not pro one.. XD) and i also have many good colleagues ard me who ask me to pursue further education and give me many advice about work and the future as well. (jus not about marriage. hahaha..)

after 1 yr passed, somehow i've been pushing back the plan to take a step forward.. maybe im not courageous enough.. need to take concrete action to build a proper portfolio as well as look at the potential institutes that i can apply for. i really want to do something tt i like and also which i can contribute in my own way.

and so..it was said tt if i didnt chant, there wont be any new players. =( actually i dun see myself as tt impt la.. but i know it is wrong. so.. gomeneh.. i wil repay the dmk. :D

Drunken Leemers

2009-04-07T08:37:00.001+08:00

why does it seem that most of the decision in my workplace are made by drunken leemers?
A: Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.

Why are talented people so busy?
A: They are fixing the problem made by people who have time

被爱的人不用道歉

2009-03-24T23:01:00.002+08:00

ah tu is so confusing.. even i confuse myself. sometimes i feel this way, other times i feel otherwise..

anw, today was a good session.. one of the MDs voice out his sentiments and i totally agree with him.. my WD said his thinking changed alot and he realised many things.. good start!!

anw anw, wanna share this song w all of you:
下雨天了怎么办我好想你
不敢打给你我找不到原因
为什么失眠的声音变得好熟悉
沉默的场景做你的代替陪我听雨滴

期待让人越来越沉溺
谁和我一样等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞一个人擦泪一个人好累

*怎样的雨怎样的夜怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑才能够有你的体贴
其实没有我你分不出那些差别
结局还能多明显
别说你会难过别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉*

this song was sung by meow @ WTC sometime ago and i jus found it recently on youtube when i was searching for duets and then i found out tt she was the singer for "coral sea" w jay..

the lyrics was nice.. but obviously the melody was what i noticed first.. and what was written really seems to be what im feeling.. anw.. it really doesnt matter~~ it really doesnt matter at all. . . .

out of the quicksand!

2009-03-19T22:29:00.002+08:00

ah +o( is wrong!! honto gomanasai!!!

i guess i found out the reason y i was in a slump for so long.. during ytd's mtg it was shared that we should never read a guidance and think that "oh.. i know this is for xxx.." , "oh this guidance is not for me". so when i open up today's guidance and read, i told myself, yup i shld look at this seriously and apply into my life.

the primepoint or the pivot of my life was always the gohonzon or sensei.. until some time back, (dunno when), i realised that i could not reach the HLC that i had nor the enthusiasm.. as learnt in 'The Dragon Gate', perhaps im like one of the carps.. that got shot by fisherman or eaten by birds.

because since that dunno when, i've used a person as a 'destination', made someone my primepoint of life.. perhaps then in my mind i alrdy thought that i could never become someone like sensei and achieve happiness. then i switched to a person thinkin that i could breakthru and work harder.. and as time passed, i guess i fail terribly..

very tired.. i need to revitalise! and only my ywds can enable me to do so i think.. once again seeing my ywd so active n happy made me realise tt it was not my efforts then but it was due to her own seeking spirit and realisation.. i mus have said this many times.. but as said ytd, we muz repeat ourselves to drum things into our heads. XD

gambarimasu usagi!

the bart broke down.

2009-03-13T08:40:00.003+08:00

Nichiren Daishonin wrote in the gosho "On attaining Buddhahood in this lifetime:"It is the same with a Buddha and an ordinary being. When deluded, one is called an ordinary being, but when enlightened, one is called a Buddha. This is similar to a tarnished mirror that will shine like a jewel when polished. A mind now clouded by the illusions of the innate darkness of life is like a tarnished mirror, but when polished. it is sure to become like a clear mirror, reflecting the essential nature of phenomena and the true aspect of reality. Arouse deep faith, and diligently polish your mirror day and night. How should you polish it? Only by chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo."

how true this is.. esp some bamboo tt "bu ting ah tu yan" jiu really eat lousy infront of u le.. haha.. although my mirror is not especially clear and bright, but really im trying my best to polish as much as possible.. but due to the very strong demon inside of me, i really am havin a hard time..

1. mentor and disciple.
2. correct and determined ichinen
3. clear and concrete prayers
4. unity

was stuck on the road -standing- ytd tgt w weiyi.. T___T
we were taking 190 from park mall to sjsc.. and i think the traffic was really bad within orchard area. to add frost to snow, a bus tat lor jus right before the expressway. (note: it was a single lane road).. thus for 1 hr, the bus went 1 m and came to a jerk stop.. i dunno how many times we been thru this and we even wanted to alight n take a cab cuz it was really killin our feet standing.. and to anger my demon within even more, there was this lady wearing CROCS, sitting down and constantly moving her head.. left to right, left to right and because i was holding on to the handle behind her head, my hand caught her hair several times. i can see tt she was also abit irritated. then STOP moving ur head.. GOSH. angry leh.. other than this, there was also quite a few weird characters.. anw, interesting but we were thinkin of how to distract each other from the 'suffering in saha bart' so we kept talkin.. and also chanting hard in our hearts tt the bus can move on quickly n smoothly. by the time we reached sjsc, it was 9pm.. =(( it was alrdy zone chief's sharing.. about yamaguchi campaign.. maybe i was alrdy LLC by then but i feel they shld use another way to encourage us.. esp leaders.. and not always use the same words and same thing.. so.. i'm also gg to start my own campaign because i wanna show tt i will be able to win over myself.. i guess this is the effect of reverse logic ba. XD

yay its friday.. and weekends is here!! i went to the IT fair ytd.. and saw a laptop that has pressure and sensitivity techonology.. i wonder if it works like a tablet PC.. really tempted to buy.. :S:S:S i definitely need to make another trip down again.. anyone?

weili is on flickr!

2009-03-09T21:55:00.000+08:00

view some of my design works here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/41876864@N00/

and feedback to me too!!

=))

the boh liao one

2009-03-08T00:13:00.003+08:00

ahahhaha.. i think i am a lil too bored. uploaded my photos to home com and i found some old pics tt i wanted to put on my blog.. XDXD

this is taken at Waraku during our first youth chpt meetup. the Curry Udon ther is so huge!! i tried to show the difference with the small bowl but cant really see.. anw its oiishi!!

the other day we had total defence day in the school. all electricity was manually shut down from 9-10am. this is how the staff room looks like.

cool!

the main lead here.. is not popeye napkin nor the chicken nor the biscuit but... ?

yes, its the saxophone!! XD

some sweets that our sweets gave on G4 gathering. Muacks za!

the color changing stairs in front of central.. it was quite scary to sit on and get up from the stairs.. :S:S:S

i found the color rather nice as a whole so i put them tgt. :D

drinkin + talkin + crapping session at one of the pub in CQ. nothing much cuz it was mocktail. my frens shared a shot thou.. XD

still, i know i dun belong to these places. but maybe i can understand y pple like to go there..

太阳公公起床了！

2009-03-06T08:44:00.002+08:00

Ohaiyo Gazaimasu!! i am so early today.. feelin abit hyper. told u i cant slp much le.. and i am good girl oh! i didnt request for MC. :S quite reluctant to get up cuz weather was so goooood.. was in the bus to work and i saw the sky turn from dark blue to very light blue. weather should be nice today, i hope. :)

had arranged to do MG tgt at home w my YWD. was a good start today thou i started earlier. be more dilligent! i should find reasons to make myself more high-spirited instead of excuses to be emo. XD

had to come early for some survey today. so i thought i should come earlier and set up the labs for them as well. was like siao running to-and-fro 3 labs. hahaha.. still, a good start to a day is always good.

i hope.. i hope.. that i can go for the musical.

hmmm...

2009-03-02T08:34:00.002+08:00

guess what? my home internet is down again!!!

i wonder if i did anything to the connection.. (not physically) but i might have changed the password or certain settings thus it didnt work again.. ARGH.. this is so troublesome. thinkin of changing another service provider. but it'll mean i'll lose the HC priviledges.

went for SD anniv on sat.. took my YWD along and she share w me many things. :) but i feel abit helpless, like back to the times of being a cic or a dist.. nevertheless, mus work harder. ^^V the sun was still sunny and bright ard 1-2pm but it started pouring when the first part of the show ended ard 4plus. so we took our umbrellas and walked to the bart-top. SO WET desu~ it was as if the whole place(a house) was undergoing some cleaning by the rain(a huge hose).. the sky outside was so white that everything seems to have went thru this gaussian blur filter in photoshop. XD

sunday came and so we all went for alice's wedding. SLEEP makes me late.. :( anyone to give me call everyday? hahahha.. then i think it wont work on me le.. muz be like random.! hahhaha.. aiyo.. recently my condition has been quite bad.. tryin hard to not let it become worse. BOOOO.. ah tu is sad. but its ok. and so after the soka ceremony, went home and slept. cuz leg pain, ankle breaking and internet down, starhub customer service was busy. so i had EXCUSES to sleep. hahaha..

really lor.. i dunno y(maybe i know) but my ankle is hurting alot.. so much that it seems as if it is crushing and the nerves and calcium is slowing running off.. and my back as well.. ARGH i feel so like a lao ah ma.

the dinner was quite good.. at least i knew 90% of the pple on the table. the other 10% was christina who wasnt in the band by the time i came in. Bride always looks pretty and her wedding seems almost like a perfect one. anyway, meow meow will certainly get married one. in the case of none, it doesnt matter cuz we're still going to meet each other to go for mtgs when we're WD rite? XD

and so i wondered about the purpose of a partner in life as well as a marriage. As Mr Yap says, everything mus be based on buddhism and i find that true. its jus that i hasnt really practiced hard enough of that into my life.

internet is down~!!!!! ARGh. and sometimes i grumble because of all these itsty-bitsy bits of setbacks in life.. because these things make life slightly more inconvenient. and human tendencies.. is part of me. because i cant find myself being so gentle, appearing so kind to everyone. i express my nice in another way i guess.. am NOT a alien thou.

jus grumbling.. because im tryin to avoid work. XD lets strive ahead!!

all-in-one

2009-02-27T08:41:00.004+08:00

in quite a struggle recently..

internal, external, physical, emotional kind of struggle.. really all sorts that i've been trying to identify n seeking.

but im sure there's a reason why im going thru all these, or rather, im making myself going thru all these. :D nobody understands but its ok. i know, i understand, i fight and i mus definitely win at the end of the day.

today.. is cross country!! so im alone in the staff room! o.O im so awake and so onz.. i think 4 hrs of sleep is jus nice for me.. too long, im tired also. so spend more time awake probably i can utilise my time more efficiently.

kagoii-desu! (so cool) and im going to spend my 8 hrs doing super lots of things. like.. designing! have been given quite many opportunities for me to hone my skills and practicise.. but i guess the 'knowledge' and 'professional application' thing really does play a huge part. if you dont have the fundamentals, you cant deliver something decent. and that is why im stuck. but heres something (in a long while) that i've produce and receive a compliment from a gakkai designer tt i look up to. =D

so sell 'go-yok'(medicated plaster) time!! FRendezvous coming back in March!! if you wonder what is FR all about, kindly approach our friendly district/chpt leaders! =D

i've finally found a song tt i dai-suki alot!! the last time i heard was during a KTV and i didnt catch the title. only rem part of the song.. and then 'hola'! i caught it on radio. heeheehee.

心動.心痛
曲:周杰倫詞:劉耕宏/陳剑龍

黑夜滲透了思念偷不走微光閃現的千種畫面
我背著傷痛離開孤單拖著記憶支離破碎
原以為不會改變眼淚在臉頰上乾枯失去知覺
我的心掙脫了愛跟隨著夕陽埋進了海洋

合:為什麼相愛的人卻又為愛而紛爭
現實的翅膀擾亂了原本幸福的氣氛
我有我的過錯我有我的疑惑
藏在面對面的折磨背後

為什麼讓愛躲進烏雲密佈的天空
隨著風漂流在外一點一點的散落
慢慢遠離的夢漸漸冷卻冰封
心痛當初相遇的心動

nice song? echoes: YES~
ok im mad.. due to lack of sleep. Kerene left. and i will move on from here. quickly and steadily. since im the rabbit. :)

ok im almost done. and TGIF!! although got pple OMGIOF.. XD but.. looking forward is most impt ya.. :D

a time to think..

2009-02-23T12:49:00.000+08:00

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009
-- TO MY FRIENDS --
Don't wait for the right time to happen. Create it! One person earnest and single-minded in their efforts, unconcerned about what others might think of them, can transform the whole atmosphere of a situation, for the better.

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009
--- DAILY GOSHO ---
"In this defiled age, you should always talk together andnever cease to pray for your next life."
(The Votary of the Lotus Sutra Will Meet Persecution - TheWritings of Nichiren Daishonin, Vol.1, page 449) Selectionsource: SGI President Ikeda's essay, Seikyo Shimbun,February 22nd, 2009

Monday, February 23rd, 2009
---- DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT ----
"Though at times we may find ourselves in a temporary setback, what counts is winning in the end. The strategy of the Lotus Sutra is what enables us to do that. When things look darkest, that is the best time for us to 'change poison into medicine' -- transforming the negative into something positive--and expand our life-condition."
SGI Newsletter No. 7713, Be Invincible in Spirit, from the March 2009 issue of Daibyakurenge, translated Feb.17th 2009

i will survive!!

of cuz lah! XD

the bunneh stepped on its own tail..

2009-02-15T22:39:00.002+08:00

RAWR.. my life condition was stifled again these few days.. by some remark then even now when i thought of it, i thought i was being rash and not trusting the 'victim' enough.. anw, the victim will never know that IT's a victim. XD

sometimes i regretted for not believing in you.. sometimes i feel that i dont understand you.. so confused. ARGH.. sayin to give up is so difficult in this case.. anw, perhaps after ard few more days i wont see u so often again..

anw, i am jus so disppointed in myself.. AGAIN! yes, AGAIN. boo~

i need to become a better person.. study more then practice more then determine to win more and yay~!! *claps*

seems like many challenges ahead to determine whether our 'zhi wu yuan' perf will be a successful one.. sighs.. i need to chant more.. we all do.. and take good care. although i m fallin sick soon i guess..

Ignorance is bliss. so i m happy! =)

some backdated updates.. XD

2009-02-09T09:20:00.008+08:00

Konichiwa!! atashi schnauzy desu~!! yoroshiku!!

schnauzy ---->

the entrance to river ang bao.. lanterns lanterns and more lanterns..

starry starry sky.. it was a walkway with millions of mini-bulbs..

the singapore flyer far far away.. (im lazy to rotate the pic. :P)

*drum rolls* here are (some of) the zodiac animals! 排名不分先后。。

monkey!

korewa GQ/ML desu.. (heeheehee)

pok pok pok..

baaaaaaaaaaa (meh meh bei zhe yang ma ma..)

moomoo!! niu nian xing da yun!

the tiger tt looks like a 'sick cat'

Dragon. ROAR!

snake. (horhor and my sis desu!!)

and.. of cuz usagi!

this is ben, JY, me and WX at clark quay after a hearty dinner and discussions.. can see tt we are ready to move (note: DASH) forward with our determined hearts. XD..

and lou hei for SNCO!!! BANZAI~

and so a week passed quickly again.. was helpin out with the club this yr onwards.. many things im still unsure. Gakkai side as well, i also had a few new missions.. i really hope to be able to contribute more and not be defeated by my own darkness or other obstacles again.. jus this few weeks alrdy took 3x cab.. and although i had my performance bonus, i forsee i'll be broke pretty soon..

met up w kerene on fri.. had dinner and done some shoppin tgt w her.. i really hasnt prepared anything and i felt terribly sorry.. was too caught up w my own things.. i need to be less self-centered and more humble..

combined w kk and bb on sun.. according to them(the conductors and all), we were doin better than last week.. at least i could hit more 'tau geh' but my partner wasnt here.. so the lower were sounding much louder than the first.. i still feel very down lookin at our strengths against others but rather than feelin down which could only make things worst, i guess being positive and putting efforts to make things work is more effective ba..

my thumb has been trembling since i picked Eflat up again.. but it has gotten better as time pass.. i think my fingers and brain dun work so fast afterall.. XD and i was commented for using Carebear file lor.. thanks ar. make sure to bring a BLACK one this week.. =D

no matter what we do, lets make every effort to ensure we can play tgt in one mind, in one tune and in one rhythm. Gambatte!!!

some updating..

2009-01-31T22:35:00.002+08:00

ok, time to update.. feeling very tired.. and i cant believe im sick AGAIN. RAWR.. this is what i typed and saved in notepad earlier on.. ^.*

my favourite things..

today im gg to list a few of my favourite things.. well, i guess its not really a thing but what bout a pet?

woof woof~!

i've ALWAYS been a big fan of dogs.. and in my memory now i guess my favourite has been king charles spaniel, because of brownie; then to jack russell, because of 'The Mask' and also starhub commercial.. LOL!!; then to golden retriever cuz of the endless scaventure hunt during sec sch days; then to schnauzer now cuz of pakki.. but my all time favourite was still a husky!! hu-weh hu-weh desu!!

ok, im soted..

i wish i was more talented in the arts.. if lives were really directed by the stars in some way or another, being a libra is really confusing.. and it made me all confused jus to think about the level of confusion i'd be. XD

gone was my cough and flu and wadever.. (and so i thought) it came back to homevisit me again!! RAWR. dunno if its due to the chong qing steamboat i went ytd.. the ma la we ordered only xiao la and i think all CTI alrdy.. XDXD then the refill was all chicken soup. then we discovered the table behind us also was yuan yang.. jus that theirs was ma la + tom yum. WOW~!! and refill also ma la + tom yum. (APPLAUSE!) really shugoii-desu!! it was $18 for the steamboat neh.. and then i discovered my marina south there no more le.. T____T boohoohoo.. tts only $12. but drinks were not included of cuz.

i wonder if odd-years are better for me. haha.. went to the Riverside Ang Bao w my 'rabbit friends' will upload the few photos tt i managed to capture before my phone signal to me tt it CTI alrdy.. hahaha.. so, mata neh!

saturday came and went.. it was a homevisiting day for me.. morning was at my zone's hse and we chanted, ate a lil and played with pakki's fren(IMO) named schnauzy.. XD.. it was a schnauzer of my ldr's sis i think.. and it was so obedient.. awww..

then went to my ymd chpt hse and we had a small casual gatherin wher we ate snacks, lou hei and eat chicken wings while JY jus managed to share a lil on the upcomings for our chpt. then everyone left!! i was the only one cuz we had a third round to go..

so off we went to bishan to my ymd zone's hse.. again we ate and drink and lou hei and talked.. they talked and *reminicse about their childhood days while i sat there with the two kids and watched TV. XD.. it was a imitation competition by SS and i was really so disappointed w the turnout and the results. sighs.

well, it was a day out but i guess i survived. tonight i wonder if i can sleep well. Oyasumi-nasai.. =))

the ox-piscious year..

2009-01-27T22:06:00.002+08:00

its CNY!! and the year seems to grow quieter and quieter.. the whole level of my block is so quiet for the 3 days except for people walking by as and when..

even when im outside, there aren't as many people as i thought.. and this yr im at home counting cobwebs again.. it worst then last year lorrrrrrr.. slowly and slowly i might as well join my frens to celebrate deepavali and hari raya alrdy.. XD

anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! the holidays is gonna be over soon.. and i wonder if i can stay awake during work with all the hours i've slept all these while? ahahhahaha..

niu nian niu zuan qian kun! may of of u have abundance of niu nai, niu rou and niu nei zhang to eat.. of cuz u can have the niu wei tang as well.. XD

my update since...

2009-01-22T20:16:00.002+08:00

hasnt been updating my blogger for awhile.. lazy and tired.. was busy with work on weekdays(duh~) then busy running all over on weekends.. when i get home, i can only bath and then i'll need my sleep..

told my sis i becoming a panda le.. sighs..

have also been sick the past few weeks.. from 08 - 09.. woah! ahahahha.. i think its a vicious cycle ba.. but sick is good leh.. can eat less and burn more fats. XD now i fat back le lor.. sobs x 10 cuz it is so difficult for me to be a pretty lady..

first 2 weeks of the year @ work started all well and energetic.. but as time goes, i think my battery is depleting.. i always feel that the work im doin is a lil different and 'challenging' in an alternate point of view.. i wonder alot, and also conclude alot.. but overall, i am still greatful for my good fortune manifesting in the form of colleagues ard me..

till now, im still searching for my mission.. and recently, various responsibility tasked upon me made me wonder.. is that really what i want to do, is my mission, or isit just a contribution of my know-how? i wonder neh..

anw, CNY in 3 days time! and i haven even done my shopping.. i guess stocking up my work clothes is more impt ba. since we go to work 5 days a week and only out 2 days a week.. even the cap i bought from vietnam, i got no chance to wear~~ T___T

first day + 2nd day where all my frens wud busy outside visiting, i guess i'll probably be plucking grass at home.. since i live in a field with metal bars anyway.. XD so ke lian laidat.. but what is the purpose of NY then? if your relatives for 1 whole yr dun even call u or try to avoid u, shld u still be kpo and find ways to visit them? hmmm.. in a sense, it also boils down to ourselves as human being.. as said, if we jus happen to talk bout it, pple will compare the financial status and all like choosing for a son-in-law laidat.. then they'll have doubts about the religion or philosophy tt u're practising.. somemore im like the blacksheep that doesnt do any good to the family except eating all the grass till the land is bare. i wonder neh..

hmmm.. i jus wished tt we stay near our relatives in the first place perhaps now i'd have more 'friends' ba.. anw, after CNY its time to hmv! now i left 3 ywd dist only.. so sad.. but it isnt something tt shld get me down.. but something tt i've promised my ymds as well to work hard towards.. so less slp, more determine, more dmk!

lets be happier in the new year! Gambarimasu!!

Minna-san~! Niu Nian Banzai!! ^^VVV

need vs want

2009-01-05T21:08:00.002+08:00

in this time of the day, most of the things tt human purchase with money are not jus 'needs' already.. this is what me and ss talked abt on sunday.. isnt it true? esp for the lion city, alot of us may be writing down in our shoppin list the stuffs that we 'want' to get instead of 'need' to get. like apparels: more and more clothes to stuff in the already-suffocating waredrobe; electronics: upgrade and upgrade to a the latest one tt comes to the market; even basic needs like food and drink, pple will choose to go to the air-con foodcourt compared to coffeeshops, or the restaurants compared to a normal cafe.

me too.. always buying and buying.. then the stuffs will stack and stack and stack.. then eventually throw and throw and throw.. jus after i changed job, i made myself spend more and more.. buyin more and more so that i can have more change each day/week.. like alot of accessories, alot of bags, alot of shoes.. then one by one my bag tore la, my shoe broke la, my accessories rust la, then i'll buy and buy again.. tts where i contribute to the economy.. XD

i wonder this yr with the economic crisis, will i learnt to be more obedient and have jus a lil more savings in my piggy bank?(my 'piggy bank' is in the shape of a snail btw.. XD) then end of '09 i can make more contributions than jus 7 x 6 bottles of yakult le.. and of cuz, praying hard of my pay raise so tt i can be able to achieve all these la.. ahahahaha..

actually after saying so much.. the main point is i bought 2 new pair of heels recently and being 'hiao', i wore them to work and there was the zip on the back of the heels which rub again my leg so much then the front part also caused my leg to have 4 blistersss!!! itai~~ and i really feel stupid all over again lor.. spend and cause harm to urself.. its dumb.

so, i shld be wiser and not buy on impulse!!! haha.. but which lady can resist pretty shoes? of cuz they've to be comfortable.. and for me, maybe i didnt bite the shoe before my opening ceremony la.. RAWR~~ perhaps i was a hare runnin in the wild and fated not to wear shoes.. boohoohoo..

and leg pain nvm.. i still run to bishan thinkin tt there was mtg but in the end there wasnt!! i actually wrote the wrong date~~ sigh.. even thou i bought a pair of pants while they were on sale.. but still not worth it for the pain, the numerous plasterssss and the horrifying experience of not being able to find the lift or anyone who i can contact at tt point in time. seems deja vu desu neh.. anw, i saw my senior at the interchange.. surprised tt he recognise me too.. lolx..

all about music.. and the rabbit of cuz!

2009-01-04T19:13:00.002+08:00

rawr.. its already jan and im still sick.. sick from dec to jan, how nice? cough cough cough.. and i cant slp well at all.. i really wonder if humans are reincarnations of animals in our past life neh.. and 'pian pian' i've to live with a noctual animal. and my throat is hurting like mad. YAWNS~

nothing much durin jan.. being the first month of the year.. thus, i muz really set myself to planning for more hmv during my free nights and devote my 8-5pm dilligently doing work and nothing else other than reading email and havin lunch and tea.. *giggles* i guess i've no excuse to complain la.. so ~always look on the bright side of life~

had prac today.. and again the attendance plunge like the stock to 7-8 pple compared to the 10+ pple last week.. sometimes i really wonder.. wonder and wonder and wonder but no conclusion.. perhaps i cant achieve great tasks afterall.. had prac today but i cant play well at all when combined.. of cuz the same when practising on my own. play until brain almost explode and im still flat on my high notes.. OMG~~ may my fingers and brain work faster~

was always tasked some great mission but seems like i always fail them.. then again im asked to be part of this and part of that.. can i do it better? can i make a difference or will i be like a hollow man? ARGH.. its like being in a quicksand.. and the rabbit repeats the story over and over again.. who hear alrdy also sian..

actually, i wanted to apologise to you.. drag and drag, weeks and weeks pass till it seem almost meaningless.. sometimes when i chanted abt it, i feel tt i became a step closer to you.. it may be foolish to think tt way but i jus wan to know what was the problem.. im willing to listen to all of ur struggles, seriously.

and my NY resolutions is:
to be able to fulfill all the resolutions tt i've set this yr. *claps*

isnt it wonderful? ^.*